Attitude is Everything
\nChange Your Attitude\u2026and You Change Your Life!<\/p>\n
By Jeff Keller<\/p>\n
DEDICATION<\/p>\n
This book is dedicated to my wife, Dolores, for believing in me and encouraging me to follow my dreams.<\/p>\n
INTRODUCTION
\nThe Night That Changed My Life
\nThe greatest discovery of my generation is that human beings can alter their lives by altering their attitudes of mind.
\n\u2014William James
\nIn 1980, I graduated from law school and thought I\u2019d be a lawyer for the rest of my life. After all, that\u2019s what I\u2019d wanted to do since my early teenage years.
\nAt first, everything went according to plan. After lots of studying that summer, I passed the Bar Examination and was admitted to practice law in New York. My personal life was also on the upswing. In early 1981, I married Dolores, a law school classmate. I was on my way to much success and happiness.
\nOr so I thought.
\nBut, after practicing law for a few years, I realized I wasn\u2019t happy at all.
\nSure, there were some things I liked about being a lawyer. I enjoyed helping people resolve their disputes, especially when I could save them the agony of lengthy court proceedings.
\nYet, there were so many things about being an attorney that I disliked \u2014 and that just seemed to drain the life out of me. Mounds and mounds of tedious paperwork and motions to be filed. Constant delays and postponements. It was not uncommon for a trial to be postponed 10 times.<\/p>\n
I Dreaded Going To Work<\/p>\n
I continued to grind out the work but grew more and more dissatisfied as an attorney. I was frustrated and very depressed. To put it bluntly, I didn\u2019t like my life, and saw no way that things were going to improve.<\/p>\n
Have you ever had a job where you dreaded going to work most days \u2014 where you felt the \u201cweight of the world\u201d on your shoulders each day?
\nWell, that\u2019s how I felt. I was literally hunched over… and in pain, both physically and emotionally. I looked much older than my years. I began to get headaches all the time, and my stomach was constantly churning. Fearing that I had some serious health problem, I saw some doctors and they ordered a battery of tests. Every test came back with the same result \u2014 they couldn\u2019t find anything physically wrong with me. One of the doctors suggested that I take Maalox to calm my upset stomach.<\/p>\n
Spiritually, I was dead. Nothing in my life had much meaning. This day-to-day drudgery was also affecting my appearance. Although I was in my late 20s, I looked like I was 40!
\nIn the early part of 1985, shortly after I had turned 30 years old, I was burned out. And, one particular evening, while sitting alone in my den, I knew that something had to change. Not knowing what to do, I simply said out loud,
\n\u201cThere\u2019s got to be more to my life than this… there\u2019s got to be more than this misery and unhappiness.\u201d<\/p>\n
Help Comes From An Unlikely Source
\nLater that night, I was watching TV in the den. It was<\/p>\n
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t6
\naround 1:00 am, and my wife, Dolores, had already gone to bed. But I was feeling so down I couldn\u2019t sleep. I \u201cchannel surfed\u201d looking for something to occupy my time. I tuned in to, of all things, an
\ninfomercial.\tYou are not what
\nNormally, I would have you think you are. changed that channel in a frac- But what you think tion of a second, but for some reason, I listened. YOU ARE!
\nThe product being peddled \u2014Dr. Norman Vincent Peale was called The Mental Bank and was endorsed by actress
\nFlorence Henderson of Brady Bunch fame. The Mental Bank was a home-study course that explained how everything we achieve in life is based upon our subconscious beliefs.
\nI felt so desperate at that point that I decided to go for it.
\nI pulled out my credit card and ordered the program.
\nThat night in my den was the turning point of my life.
\nBy the way, when I sheepishly told Dolores what I had done a day or two later, she was shocked.
\n\u201cYou did what?\u201d she asked in amazement. It\u2019s not that she objected to the purchase \u2014 it was just so out of character for me to buy something like that on impulse… and worse yet, from a TV infomercial!
\nSeveral days later, The Mental Bank program arrived at my doorstep. And I was fascinated and excited to begin learning how our thoughts determine the quality of our lives. Prior to that time, I had never heard these ideas. Unfortunately, they don\u2019t teach you this stuff in school!
\nThe Mental Bank program spurred me to seek out other motivational resources. I began to read books by Napoleon
\nHill, Og Mandino, Norman Vincent Peale and Robert
\nSchuller. I started reading the Bible on a regular basis. And
\nI eagerly listened to inspiring audio cassette programs by Zig Ziglar, Earl Nightingale and many others. I felt like a person who had wandered for days in the desert with a parched throat… and then suddenly found a stream of water!
\nNow, I can\u2019t tell you that everything in my life changed overnight, because it didn\u2019t happen that way. But, from the moment I began to change from a negative attitude to a positive attitude, I started to get significant results.
\nI felt better. I had more energy. And I started to achieve goals that I would never have accomplished before… all because of a change in my attitude! I\u2019m also happy to report that when people now ask how old I am… and I say
\n44, they invariably reply, \u201cYou look so much younger!\u201d
\nIt\u2019s all in the attitude.
\nFrom Lawyer To Motivational Speaker
\nI continued my self-study program in my spare time, while I worked full time as a lawyer. The positive thinking was helping my attitude at work, but I felt a passion for my \u201chobby\u201d that I never felt for my work, and I dreamed about the day I could walk away from my job.
\nIn 1989, after four years of intensive research about attitude and motivational concepts, I agreed to present some adult education seminars in the
\nNever underestimate your power to change yourself.
\n\u2014H. Jackson Brown, Jr.\tevenings at a local high school. I was to be paid $30 for each twohour class. Not the kind of money that lets you quit your day job!
\nAs I stood in front of the class to start my first seminar, I was
\npetrified. My heart was pounding and I was sweating. But somehow I managed to muster the courage to just do it. The students loved the class, and I got a real adrenaline rush from presenting the material that had revolutionized my own life… and that had the power to do the same for others!
\nI was on my way.
\nEventually, the speaking fees grew a little larger, and in
\n1990, I decided to phase out my law career over the next
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t8
\nfew years. This wasn\u2019t a simple decision. I had gone to four years of college and three years of law school to obtain my law degree. On top of that, I had spent 10 years of my life as a practicing lawyer. When you have that much invested in a career, it\u2019s not so easy to walk away.
\nThen, of course, there was the money issue. As a lawyer, I was on track to earn $100,000 in a few years, and I\u2019d be earning that much \u2014 and more \u2014 for the rest of my professional career.
\nAlthough I was earning a little
\nmore income from my new
\n\u201chobby,\u201d I realized that I\u2019d have start-up expenses in launching my new enterprise. Fortunately, Dolores and I had saved some\tA positive attitude is a persons passport to a better tomorrow.
\n\u2014Unknown
\nTaking A Stand
\nmoney over the years. To sup- plement my income, I began to sell a line of merchandise with my unique \u201cAttitude is Everything\u201d logo. But there was no way to avoid it \u2014 I\u2019d have to take a huge financial step backward to start my new business… at least in the beginning.
\nAnd yet, it was time to move on. I felt as if I was being pulled out of the legal profession and into my new career. Whenever I spoke to an audience or wrote a motivational essay, I was so invigorated and full of life. I knew that\u2019s where I belonged.
\nSo, I made a gradual transition \u2014 working four days a week as a lawyer, then three days a week… and then two days a week… until, in 1992, I began working full time as a motivational speaker and writer.
\nTrust me, my mother wasn\u2019t thrilled when I told her that I was giving up the practice of law to speak about attitude. After all, it doesn\u2019t carry the prestige of saying \u201cMy son is a lawyer!\u201d
\nBut these are issues you have to deal with when you
\ntake a stand in life. You have to face the fact that some people will disapprove of your decision. I also learned that you often have to let go of some things in your life and take a few steps backward before you can move forward in a new direction. Part of the price I had to pay was giving up the money, prestige and security of my legal career.
\nBy the way, as it turned out, my mother became very supportive of my new career, especially when she saw that I was making progress \u2014 and that I really enjoyed my work.
\nWhy am I telling you all this about my career transition? It\u2019s not to impress you with what I\u2019ve done. Believe me, I\u2019ve made plenty of blunders and mistakes along the way.
\nI\u2019m sharing my story because I want you to know how drastically my life changed \u2014 and how much better it got \u2014 when I made a change in my attitude.
\nProof positive that, indeed, attitude is everything!
\nHow You\u2019ll Benefit
\nThink, act and talk with enthusiasm and you ll attract positive results.
\n\u2014Michael LeBoeuf\tFrom This Book
\nSome final thoughts before we launch right into this material: This book can help you, no matter how positive or negative you are right now.
\nIf you\u2019re negative, don\u2019t despair. You can use these con-
\ncepts to develop and maintain a positive attitude… and to achieve incredible breakthroughs in your life.
\nIf you\u2019re already a positive person, you can use these principles to soar to even greater heights of success and fulfillment.
\nI\u2019ve spent more than 14 years researching why it is that some people succeed while others achieve disappointing results. During that time, I\u2019ve read a few hundred books and thousands of magazine articles on attitude and success. I\u2019ve listened to more than 2,000 hours of audio cassette pro-
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING 10
\ngrams. In addition, I\u2019ve interviewed countless high achievers to learn their \u201csuccess secrets.\u201d
\nMore importantly, I have personally applied each and every success strategy that is described in this book. So, I know from firsthand experience that these ideas work \u2014 and that they have the power to literally transform your life!
\nPlease don\u2019t misunderstand me. I don\u2019t claim to be a \u201cknow-it-all\u201d on these subjects. Far from it. I consider myself a \u201cwork in progress\u201d and I continue to learn every day.
\nHowever, I know what it\u2019s like to have a negative attitude, because that\u2019s the kind of attitude I had for the first 30 years of my life. I know what it\u2019s like to doubt yourself and your abilities, because that\u2019s what I did for 30 years. All of the positive changes that I\u2019ve made in my life are the result of practicing the principles you\u2019ll read about in this book.
\nThink… Speak… Act
\nThis book is conveniently divided into three Parts, and each Part contains a series of lessons. So, if you ever need reinforcement in a particular area, it will be easy for you to turn to that lesson and re-read it.
\nIn Part 1, Success Begins in the Mind, we\u2019ll be focusing on the power of attitude and belief to shape your destiny. You\u2019ll learn how your success initially depends on the way that you THINK.
\nIn Part 2, Watch Your Words, we\u2019ll concentrate on the way that you SPEAK… how your attitude is reflected in your words… and how positive language can help to propel you toward your goals.
\nIn Part 3, Heaven Helps Those Who Act, we\u2019ll cover the final leg of our journey. Even if you think positively… and speak positively… you won\u2019t achieve your dreams until you ACT. You can\u2019t sit back and just expect success to pay you a visit. In this section, you\u2019ll learn the action steps that will turn your dreams into reality.
\nWhen you THINK, SPEAK and ACT in ways that sup-
\nport your success, you\u2019re firing on all cylinders… and on the way to achieving phenomenal results in your life.<\/p>\n
PART 1
\nSuccess Begins in the Mind
\nSuccess is a state of mind. If you want success, start thinking of yourself as a success.
\n\u2014 Dr. Joyce Brothers<\/p>\n
LESSON 1
\nYour Attitude Is Your Window to the World
\nBetter keep yourself clean and bright; you are the window through which you must see the world.
\n\u2014 George Bernard Shaw
\nIt was just after 1:00 pm and Sara was getting hungry. She had put in a few productive hours of work at her desk and decided to get a bite to eat at a nearby coffee shop.
\nA few minutes later, Sam walked into the coffee shop. He, too, was on his lunch break. Sam sat down at a table a few feet away from Sara.
\nThe same waitress served Sara and Sam that afternoon. Each customer waited about the same amount of time before the waitress took the order. Each of them received their meal around the same time. Each of them was served well-prepared, wholesome food. And each waited the same amount of time for the waitress to deliver the check.
\nBut that\u2019s where the similarities ended.
\nAttitudes are a secret power working 24 hours a day, for good or bad.
\n\u2014 Unknown\titive outlook on the world. It was plain for everyone to see. Her body language and her posture reflected her optimism. Sara had a delightful lunch, exchanged some pleasant conversation with the waitress, and went back to work with a re-
\nSara had walked into the coffee shop with a smile, a spring in her step and a very pos-
\ncharged battery.
\nSam, on the other hand, had entered the coffee shop with a scowl on his face. He looked like he\u2019d been sucking on sour pickles all morning. He was hunched over and tense. His body language cried out \u201cStay away from me!\u201d He was annoyed when the waitress didn\u2019t take his order immediately. He was annoyed at how long it took for his meal to arrive. He complained about the food, and was furious when he didn\u2019t get his check right away.
\nWhy did Sara and Sam have such different experiences in the coffee shop? Remember that each was treated in exactly the same way. It comes down to this: Sara sees the world with a positive attitude. Sam sees the world with a negative attitude.
\nA Definition Of Attitude
\nThink of your attitude as the mental filter through which you experience the world. Some people see the world through the filter of optimism (the glass being half full) while others see life through a filter of pessimism (the glass being half empty). Let me give you some examples to explain the difference between a positive attitude and a negative attitude.
\nThe person with the negative attitude thinks \u201cI CAN\u2019T.\u201d
\nThe person with the positive attitude thinks \u201cI CAN.\u201d<\/p>\n
The person with the negative attitude dwells on problems.
\nThe person with the positive attitude concentrates on solutions.
\nThe person with the negative attitude finds fault with others.
\nThe person with the positive attitude looks for the good in others.
\nThe person with the negative attitude focuses on what\u2019s missing.
\nThe person with the positive attitude counts his or her blessings.
\nThe person with the negative attitude sees limitations.
\nThe person with the positive attitude sees possibilities.
\nI could go on and on with examples, but I\u2019m sure you get the idea. When I talk to audiences about attitude, I often like to use word pictures. They help people to understand and remember what I said. Let me paint this picture for you: Your attitude is your window to the world.
\nEveryone Starts With A Clean Mental
\nWindow
\nLet\u2019s take a few moments to dis- cuss why I say that your attitude You can t always is your window to the world. control circumstances.
\nWe all start out in life with a But you can control good attitude \u2014 or, should I say, a clean mental window. Just your own thoughts.
\nwatch young children. They\u2019re \u2014 Charles Popplestone always laughing and giggling. They have a sunny disposition.
\nThey love to explore new things.
\nConsider the attitude of a child who\u2019s learning to walk. When he stumbles and falls down, what does he do? I\u2019ll tell you what he doesn\u2019t do. He doesn\u2019t frown or blame the carpet. He doesn\u2019t point fingers at his mother or father for giving him lousy instructions. He doesn\u2019t quit. Oh, no. He smiles, gets up again and makes another attempt. And another. He keeps going for weeks and weeks with a positive attitude until he gets it right! His window is squeaky clean, and he feels like he can conquer the world.
\nBut as you know, there comes a point where life starts throwing some dirt at our windows. And here\u2019s what happens:
\nOur windows get splattered by criticism from parents and teachers.
\nOur windows get smudged by ridicule from peers.
\nOur windows get smeared by rejection.
\nOur windows get soiled by disappointments.
\nOur windows get clouded by doubt.
\nThe problem is, the dirt keeps building up, and all too many people do nothing about it. They continue to go through life with a filthy window. They lose their enthusiasm. They get frustrated and depressed. And most tragically, they give up on their dreams \u2014 all because they failed to clean their attitude window.
\nThat\u2019s the road I was traveling down. I had a dirty window when I was an attorney. And the longer I stayed in that field, the filthier my window got. I saw no possibilities. How could I? My window was splattered with the mud of negativity.
\nWash Your Window
\nBut then, by the grace of God, I learned that all I had to do was clean off my window! I had to improve my attitude so I could see the world clearly again. After I removed the grime from my window, a whole new world opened up for me. The frustration and depression lifted. I had more confidence. For the first time in many years, I could see the magnificent possibilities that life had to offer.
\nAnd I was able to make a career transition and do work that I absolutely love. When you really think about it, I\u2019m in the business of helping people to clean off their windows \u2014 to get a better attitude!
\nDo you see what I mean when I say that attitude is your window to the world? Can you appreciate how your attitude affects the way you see everything in your life? More importantly, are you beginning to see those areas where your window needs to be washed?
\nYou Control Your Attitude
\nIt\u2019s your job to keep your window clean. Sure, I can give you a little encouragement. And
\nother people can encourage you,\tThere is nothing too. But in the end, nobody else\teither good or bad, can do it for you. but thinking makes
\nYou see, you always have a choice. You can leave the filth it so. on your window and look at life \u2014 William Shakespeare through a smeared glass. But<\/p>\n
there are consequences to that approach \u2014 and they\u2019re not very pretty. You\u2019ll go through life negative and frustrated. You\u2019ll be unhappy. You\u2019ll achieve only a fraction of what you\u2019re capable of achieving.
\nThere\u2019s a better way. When you choose to take out your squeegee and clean your window, life will be brighter and sunnier. You\u2019ll be healthier and happier. You\u2019ll set some ambitious goals… and begin to achieve them. Your dreams will come alive again!
\nStill doubting whether you really have the power to change your attitude? Perhaps you\u2019re thinking, \u201cJeff, that\u2019s easy for you to say. Your attitude wouldn\u2019t be so good if you had my problems.\u201d
\nGranted, some really devastating things may have happened to you. You may have endured much suffering. Perhaps you\u2019re going through some tough times right now. But, even under the worst circumstances, I still contend that you have the power to choose your attitude. I\u2019m not saying it\u2019s easy. But the fact remains, the choice is yours.
\nA happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.
\n\u2014 Hugh Downs\tTo make matters worse, his father, mother, brother and his wife died in camps or were killed in gas chambers. Every day, Frankl and the other prisoners suffered from hunger, cold and brutality. Can a person control his or her attitude in a situation
\nLet me tell you about a man who is well qualified to speak on the subject of attitude. His name is Dr. Viktor Frankl, and he went through hell on earth \u2014 and managed not only to survive… but to inspire millions of people. You see, Viktor Frankl endured years of horror as a prisoner in the Nazi death camps. like that? Here\u2019s what Dr. Frankl had to say about the importance
\nof attitude in his best-selling book, Man\u2019s Search For Meaning:
\n\u201cEverything can be taken from a man but one thing: the last of the human freedoms \u2014 to choose one\u2019s attitude in any given set of circumstances, to choose one\u2019s own way. …Even though conditions such as lack of sleep, insufficient food and various mental stresses may suggest that the inmates were bound to react in certain ways, in the final analysis it becomes clear that the sort of person the prisoner became was the result of an inner decision, and not the result of camp influences alone.\u201d
\nNow, if Dr. Frankl and the other prisoners had the ability to choose their attitudes in the face of such unspeakable suffering, who are we to claim that we cannot take control of our attitudes?
\nAs Hugh Downs has said: \u201cA happy person is not a person in a certain set of circumstances, but rather a person with a certain set of attitudes.\u201d That\u2019s a powerful statement \u2014 and it\u2019s the truth.
\nWhen it\u2019s all said and done, you, and you alone, control your attitude.
\nAttitude And Success
\nOkay, let\u2019s say you clean off your window and develop a positive attitude. You\u2019re smiling. You sit home and think positive thoughts. Will that alone lead you to outrageous success and the realization of your fondest dreams? No, it won\u2019t… because there\u2019s more to success than just having a great attitude.
\nTo maximize your potential and achieve your goals, you need to apply certain time-honored principles of success that have helped millions of people to achieve extraordinary results. And they\u2019ll do the same for you!
\nIn the next 11 lessons of this book, I\u2019ll be taking you through these success principles, step by step. You\u2019ll learn about confronting your fears, overcoming adversity, harnessing the power of commitment and much, much more. You\u2019ll get the information and inspiration you need to start living the life you\u2019ve always dreamed about.
\nStill, you may be wondering, what do these success principles have to do with attitude?
\nIn a word \u2014 EVERYTHING! That\u2019s why I say attitude is everything.
\nWithout a positive attitude, you can\u2019t activate the other principles. Your success in life begins and ends with your attitude.
\nIt\u2019s only when you clean your attitude window that the other success principles can shine through. If your window is smudged, only a fraction of the light of these principles can get through. Your success is limited, or even blocked.
\nBut when you learn to keep your attitude window clear, the light comes pouring in and you can use these empowering principles to earn more money, have more satisfying relationships, increase your spiritual awareness and reach your full potential.
\nWhen you combine a positive attitude with the other success principles, you become unstoppable!<\/p>\n
LESSON 2
\nYou\u2019re a Human Magnet
\nWhether you think you can \u2014 or think you can\u2019t \u2014 you\u2019re right!
\n\u2014 Henry Ford
\nWhat\u2019s the key to success? Why do some people succeed while others fail?
\nEarl Nightingale, the great success writer, broadcaster and speaker, addressed this issue in his famous recorded message entitled \u201cThe Strangest Secret.\u201d In this program, he identified the key to success in just six words. Of course, he went on to explain it in more detail \u2014 but the foundation of his success secret is only six words.
\nYou\u2019d like to know the six words, wouldn\u2019t you? Well, before I tell you the key to success, you might be surprised to learn that the same six words are also the key to failure! Are you ready for the key to success? Here it is:
\nWE BECOME WHAT WE THINK ABOUT.
\nOn a gut level, does that make sense to you?
\nIn his research on the subject, Nightingale found that all
\nof the great writers, philosophers and religious leaders have agreed that our thoughts determine our actions. Here are the observations of a few great thinkers on this very point.
\nNapoleon Hill said: \u201cWhat the mind can conceive and believe, the mind can achieve.\u201d
\nThe Bible contains numerous
\nNurture your mind with great thoughts.
\n\u2014 Benjamin Disraeli\treferences to thinking, including these:
\n\u201cAccording to your faith be it unto you.\u201d (Matthew 9:29)
\n\u201cAs a man thinketh in his heart, so is he.\u201d (Proverbs 23:7)
\n\u201cIf you can believe, all things are possible.\u201d (Mark 9:23)
\nRalph Waldo Emerson put it this way: \u201cA man is what he thinks about all day long.\u201d
\nRobert Collier offered this insight: \u201cThere is nothing on earth you cannot have \u2014 once you have mentally accepted the fact that you can have it.\u201d
\nAnd finally, there are the well-known words of Henry Ford, who said: \u201cWhether you think you can \u2014 or think you can\u2019t \u2014 you\u2019re right!\u201d
\nHow This Principle Works
\nLet\u2019s examine this concept a little further \u2014 that WE BECOME WHAT WE THINK ABOUT. Here\u2019s how it
\nworks. If you constantly think about a particular goal, then you\u2019ll take steps to move toward that goal. Let\u2019s say that someone (whom we\u2019ll call Fred) thinks he\u2019s capable of earning $30,000 per year. Like a human magnet, Fred will attract those employment opportunities that will move him in that direction. As long as Fred clings to that thought, he\u2019ll reach his goal of earning $30,000 per year.
\nNow, what if Fred begins to think, \u201cHey, I\u2019d like to earn more money to meet the growing needs of my family. I want to earn $50,000.\u201d Will Fred\u2019s income increase?
\nIt depends. Just how strong is Fred\u2019s belief that he can
\nearn $50,000? It\u2019s quite possible that Fred would like to earn $50,000, but he doesn\u2019t believe that he\u2019s really capable of earning that amount. In that case, Fred will not reach his income goal of $50,000. If, on the other hand, Fred continually thinks about earning the higher income… and believes in his ability to achieve that goal, he will, in fact, increase his income to $50,000.
\nAs you might expect, this concept is not limited to monetary goals. Suppose you\u2019re shooting a round of 95 on the golf course right now. By concentrating on bringing that score down to 85… and by truly believing in your ability to do so… you\u2019ll begin to take steps to move toward that goal. You may take lessons. You may practice more. But in the end, you\u2019ll bring your score down and reach your objective.
\nDominant Thoughts Rule The Day
\nThe idea that we become what we think about has also been expressed as the Law of Dominant Thought. This means that there\u2019s a power within each of us that propels us in the direction of our current dominant thoughts.
\nThe key word here is DOMINANT. You can\u2019t expect positive results when you spend 10 seconds a day thinking positively… and the remaining 16 waking hours dwelling on negative outcomes!
\nHere\u2019s the bottom line. A little positive thinking doesn\u2019t produce positive results. Just like a little bit of a diet doesn\u2019t work. It\u2019s like trying to lose weight by eating a healthy, low-calorie breakfast… and then pigging out on cake and ice cream for the rest of the day! The same is true of exercise \u2014 you can\u2019t do a few minutes of exercise ONCE a week and expect to be physically fit.
\nLook at positive thinking in the same way. A little bit just doesn\u2019t get the job done. Instead, you must take control of your mental activity and think positively throughout each and every day until it becomes a habit. Remember, it has to be your dominant thought pattern.
\nTake a moment to consider your dominant thoughts in the major areas of your life. Are they serving you… or holding you back?
\nAttitude Adjustment Leads To Real
\nEstate Ownership
\nLet me share a personal example to demonstrate the power of our thoughts. In the 1970s and early 1980s, I observed many people in my area (Long Island, New York) who were making a lot of money by purchasing homes for investment purposes \u2014 and renting them out. The homes were appreciating in value considerably each year. Sure, there were the usual headaches of having to deal with tenant problems, but the return these investors were getting was incredible!
\nWell, I kept thinking that I should start buying some investment homes. But I never took any action because I continued to doubt myself. My thinking was dominated by all of the things that could go
\nThey can because they think they can.
\n\u2014 Virgil\twrong. Simply put, I had a lousy attitude. And with a negative attitude, is it any wonder
\nthat I never took the first step? However, after I started read-
\ning books and listening to tapes on the power of attitude and belief, I decided to change my attitude about real estate investment. In the summer of 1986, I decided that before the end of that year I would purchase two investment homes. This time, I wasn\u2019t going to allow any negative thoughts to creep into my mind.
\nFor six months, I focused my thinking on one thing \u2014 owning two investment homes. I wrote down my goals several times each day and referred to them often. I believed, at the deepest level of my being, that I\u2019d own two homes before the end of the year. In the evenings and on weekends, I went with real estate agents to look at homes. I personally visited about 100 homes and researched hundreds of others.
\nIn the fall of 1986, I purchased an investment property. What a great feeling of accomplishment \u2014 to do something that I wouldn\u2019t allow myself to do before. But I still had work to do. And on December 29, just two days before the end of the year, I reached my goal and bought the second investment home.
\nAs I look back at why I was able to purchase the real estate in 1986, while I \u201ccouldn\u2019t\u201d do it in the years before then, the answer is clear. In 1986, I believed that I could do it. I had an unshakable positive attitude that propelled me forward to reach my goal.
\nThis entire experience was tremendously valuable to me. In fact, it was priceless… because it taught me that you can achieve your goal when you believe in yourself and keep your thoughts focused on the positive.
\nAttitude Vs. Action
\nI\u2019ve been talking a lot about thinking and you might be wondering where action fits into this process. It\u2019s true that you don\u2019t get results without action, but recognize that thought precedes action. I always knew the actions that I\u2019d have to take to buy those investment properties \u2014 contact realtors, visit properties, review newspaper listings and so on. But I never took the first step as long as I had a negative attitude. The instant I changed my attitude, I felt compelled to take action… and nothing was going to stop me!
\nThat\u2019s why a positive belief system is the starting point for the achievement of any goal. When your dominant belief is that you can achieve your goal, you begin taking the actions necessary to move in that direction.
\nYour Circumstances Reflect What You\u2019ve
\nBeen Thinking About
\nFace this fact: Your beliefs brought you to where you are today, and your thinking from this point forward will take you to where you\u2019ll be in the future.
\nIn fact, your results in every area of your life reflect your deeply held thoughts about yourself. Consider your finances. What are your beliefs in this area? Are you constantly thinking about not having enough money? Dwell on that thought (a lack of funds) and you block the flow of money to you.
\nAnd then, there\u2019s the matter of relationships. If you think that you don\u2019t deserve much, you attract friends and partners into your life who won\u2019t treat you very well. I\u2019ll bet you know someone who always seems to go out with the \u201cwrong\u201d person. In fact, the last 29 people they\u2019ve gone out with were wrong for them. Do you think this is a mere coincidence? Oh, no. There is a deeply held belief inside that individual that attracts these people into his or her life.
\nAnd whether we\u2019re talking about finances, relationships or careers, the fact remains: If your thoughts don\u2019t change, your results won\u2019t change.
\nChange Your Thinking
\nFortunately, there\u2019s exciting news. You CAN change your thoughts, thereby changing your results! Here\u2019s how. For starters, become aware of what you say to yourself all day. Each of us has an internal voice;
\nWhat we sincerely believe regarding ourselves is true for us.
\n\u2014 Orison Swett Marden\tin other words, we talk to ourselves! Too often, however, what we say is negative, critical and self-limiting. Perhaps you find yourself thinking, \u201cI can\u2019t do this\u201d or \u201cI always mess things up.\u201d These thoughts work<\/p>\n
against you. Instead, repeat to
\nyourself that you can and will accomplish your goal.
\nAs we\u2019ll discuss more fully in Part 2 of this book, it\u2019s also important to become aware of the words you use on a regular basis. For example, do you put yourself down or talk about the things you could never have or achieve? Your mind hears every word you speak \u2014 and, like a magnet, you\u2019ll ultimately attract the events and circumstances that correspond to your dominant beliefs. So, make sure to use positive words about yourself and your goals.
\nRepetition Is The Key
\nHere are two more action steps to help you become more positive and get the results you want.
\nSTEP 1. Every day, read some positive, uplifting literature. Find 15-30 minutes in the morning to do this \u2014 and it\u2019s also a good idea to do some reading right before bed. There are literally thousands of motivational books and articles to choose from. Read whatever speaks to you \u2014 it could be the Bible or other spiritual material, or perhaps inspiring biographies. You\u2019ll find a wide selection of success books in the Psychology and Self-Improvement section of any bookstore or library \u2014 so check them out.<\/p>\n
STEP 2. Every day, listen to Nobody succeeds motivational cassette tapes. beyond his or her
\nYou can listen to audio tapes wildest expectations in your car while commutunless he or she
\ning, at home or during your
\nexercise routine. The key is begins with some repetition. When you hear wild expectations. these messages over and \u2014 Ralph Charell
\nover they become part of you
\n\u2014 and you begin to implement them to improve your life. The tapes will get you thinking about your attitude and other success principles on a daily basis. Of course, cassette tapes are not a substitute for ACTION. It\u2019s up to you to put these ideas to work!
\nSo, if you read something positive and listen to motivational cassette tapes every day, it will make a phenomenal difference in your life. I can tell you from personal experience that these techniques work if you have the discipline to stick with them.
\nThe lesson I\u2019ve learned is this: Change your thinking and you change your life! You will become what you think about.
\nDon\u2019t Count On Overnight Success
\nBefore concluding, I\u2019d like to clarify a few things about positive thinking and the power of our thoughts. First of all, positive thinking doesn\u2019t mean that you\u2019ll achieve your goals overnight. It\u2019s not as if you start thinking about making more money and the next morning you wake up and find a stack of dollar bills at your bedside. Not by a long shot.
\nSuccess requires effort, commitment and patience.
\nAnd secondly, positive thinking doesn\u2019t mean you won\u2019t have any more problems. Believe me, you\u2019ll have plenty of setbacks along the way. However, if you continue to believe in yourself, take action and persist, you\u2019ll overcome those obstacles.
\nRemember, you are constantly moving in the direction of your dominant thoughts. Everything you achieve in your lifetime flows from your thoughts and beliefs. Negative thinking yields negative results… and positive thinking produces positive results. Keep your attitude window clean and bright so that the positive thoughts can come shining through.
\nIt simply makes no sense to think negative thoughts… unless you want to get negative results. And I know you don\u2019t want that to happen.
\nSo, from this point forward, choose your thoughts wisely and use this powerful principle to get fantastic results in your life!<\/p>\n
LESSON 3
\nPicture Your Way to Success!
\nYou must first clearly see a thing in your mind before you can do it.
\n\u2014 Alex Morrison
\nIn a recent television interview, singer Celine Dion was asked if she ever dreamed at the start of her career that someday she\u2019d sell millions of records and be on tour, singing in front of tens of thousands of people each week. The singer replied that none of this surprised her, as she had pictured the whole thing since she was five years old!
\nShe was not bragging, and has worked unbelievably hard to earn every bit of her success. What she learned at an early age was her ability to tap into the power of holding a vivid, powerful image… to picture the star she wanted to become.
\nWorld-class athletes also incorporate the power of imagery to reinforce in their mind exactly how they want to perform. Whether it\u2019s a figure skater completing a difficult jump… a tennis pro acing his opponent with a perfect serve… or a golfer driving the ball long and straight down the fairway, many top competitors mentally envision a successful outcome before actually achieving it in the \u201creal\u201d world.
\nVisualization, however, is not something reserved solely for singers, athletes or movie stars. In fact, it\u2019s something you\u2019ve used since childhood to create the circumstances of your own life.
\nLet me clarify what I mean. Visualization is often described as \u201cmovies of the mind,\u201d \u201cinner pictures\u201d or \u201cimages.\u201d We all store pictures in our minds about the type of relationships we deserve, the degree of success we\u2019ll attain at work, the extent of our leadership ability, the amount of money we\u2019ll earn and accumulate, and so on.
\nMental Movies From Childhood
\nWhere do these pictures come from? Well, we begin to develop our \u201cmental movies\u201d early in life. If we were criticized or felt unworthy as youngsters, we record the events (and the feelings associated with those events) as images in our minds. Because we frequently dwell on these pictures (both consciously and subconsciously), we tend to create life situations that correspond to the original image.
\nFor example, you may still
\nImagination is more important than knowledge.
\n\u2014 Albert Einstein\thold a vibrant image of being criticized by a teacher in elementary school. You felt humiliated in front of the whole class. Later on, when you were tempted to
\noffer your opinion in school or in a group of people, you held back
\nand kept quiet… all the while remembering (even if only on a subconscious level) how painful it was when you were criticized. The picture remains in your mind and exerts tremendous influence over your present actions.
\nUnfortunately, many of us have not updated or revised our childhood movies, so we\u2019re continually producing results that fall short of our full potential. What follows are some techniques for using the power of visualization to improve virtually every aspect of your life.
\nTake Responsibility For Your Own Movies
\nNot all mental pictures can be traced to your childhood. You\u2019re constantly generating mental movies based on your relationships, career experiences and other events. No matter what the source of your mental images, there\u2019s one point that I want to drive home: You \u2014 and only you \u2014 are in control of your own movies.
\nLet\u2019s try a short experiment. Think about an ice cream cone filled with your favorite flavor of ice cream. Does that create a picture or image for you? I\u2019ll bet it does.
\nOkay, now think about an elephant. Can you see it? Change the color of the elephant to pink. In a fraction of a second, you formed an image of the pink elephant. Can you bring back the picture of the ice cream cone? Of course you can.
\nCan you see what I mean? You have control over the pictures that occupy your mind. However, when you don\u2019t consciously decide which pictures to play, your mind will look into the \u201carchives\u201d and keep re-playing old movies on file in your mental library.
\nChange The Meaning Of The Old Movie
\nIt doesn\u2019t serve you to deny what happened in a past experience, no matter how painful or disappointing. You can\u2019t, for instance, change the fact that you were criticized by the teacher. You can, however, alter your interpretation of the event.
\nThat is, at the time you were originally criticized, the meaning you might have assigned to the experience was \u201cI\u2019m not good enough\u201d or \u201cMy opinions are worthless.\u201d While this was the interpretation of a child, you may have inadvertently carried it into your adult life. Today, though, you can consciously choose to view the situation differently \u2014 for example, the teacher may have disagreed with you, but it wasn\u2019t a statement about your intelligence or your overall worth as a person!
\nCreate New Pictures
\nWe can create new mental movies whenever we choose to do so. And when we develop (and concentrate on) new images that evoke powerful feelings and sensations, we\u2019ll act in ways that support those new pictures! So, the first step is to create an image of your desired outcome. You are limited only by your imagination.
\nAs you know, most people are terrified about public speaking. In survey after survey, it is listed as the #1 fear that people have \u2014 ranked ahead of the fear of death! So, when most people are asked to even consider making a speech, what kinds of pictures do they run through their minds? They see themselves standing nervously in front of the audience. Perhaps they\u2019re having trouble remembering what they want to say. Run these images over and over on your mental screen and you can be sure that you won\u2019t have much success as a speaker!
\nInstead, form a picture in your mind in which you\u2019re confidently giving your presentation. The audience members are listening to your every word. You look sharp. Your delivery is smooth. You tell a funny story and the audience is laughing. At the end, you get a warm round of applause. People come up afterward to congratulate you. Do you see how these kinds of mental images can help you to become a better speaker?
\nRecognize, however, that the pictures in your mind are not fulfilled overnight. But, by being patient and by persistently focusing on these mental images, you\u2019ll automatically start acting in ways that support your vision.
\nPicture Your Way To Sales Success
\nIf you\u2019re involved in selling any product or service, it\u2019s vital that you see yourself succeeding on a consistent basis. If you\u2019re not getting the results you want, there\u2019s no question that you\u2019re holding onto pictures of sales mediocrity… or sales disappointment… as opposed to sales success.
\nRight now, think about your next meeting with a prospect. In your mind, how do you see the encounter? Are you confident and persuasive?
\nAre \tyou \tenthusiastically\tYou have control over
\nexplaining the benefits of what the pictures that
\nyou\u2019re offering? Is the prospect receptive and interested in what\toccupy your mind.
\nyou\u2019re saying? Can you vividly\t\u2014 Jeff Keller
\nsee a successful outcome to your\t meeting?
\nRemember that you\u2019re the producer, director, script writer, lighting coordinator, costume designer and casting director of your own mental movies. You get to choose how they turn out! By mentally rehearsing and running successful outcomes through your mind, you\u2019re paving the way for success in your sales career.
\nOf course, if you currently run images through your mind where the prospect rejects your ideas and has no interest in your presentation, you\u2019ll attain very limited success from your sales efforts. You\u2019ll attract those people \u2014 and those situations \u2014 that correspond to your negative images.
\nRelax And Involve Your Senses
\nWhat\u2019s the best method to use when concentrating on your new images? It\u2019s been proven that your mind is most receptive to visualization when you\u2019re calm and not thinking about a lot of things simultaneously. So, sit down in a comfortable chair at home, close your eyes and do some deep breathing exercises to clear your mind and relax your body. Now, develop images that involve as many senses as you can. The more sights, sounds, smells, tastes and touches you put in your pictures, the more powerful the \u201cpull\u201d for you to make your vision a reality.
\nHere\u2019s an example. Let\u2019s say you\u2019ve always dreamed of owning a beach-front house in the Caribbean. Picture the white and peach-colored house. See the green palm trees slowly swaying in the gentle breeze. Smell the salt air. Feel the warm sand between your toes. Feel the sunshine on your face. Isn\u2019t this paradise?
\nAnd all this can be yours if you hold onto this image \tand do what it takes to achieve
\nVision is the art of seeing things invisible to others.
\n\u2014 Jonathan Swift\tit! Also, remember that those images associated with strong emotions have even more power, so be sure to add positive feelings to your vision. For instance, when visualizing your ideal job,<\/p>\n
combine the vivid mental picture and the physical senses with
\nthe terrific emotions of pride and satisfaction you\u2019ll have working in that new position.
\nFinally, don\u2019t be concerned with the quality of your images at the outset. Some people can create lively color pictures while others have trouble getting anything more than a fuzzy image. It\u2019s also possible you may only be able to get a particular feeling at the beginning as opposed to a clear image.
\nIn any case, don\u2019t worry about it. Do the best you can and don\u2019t compare yourself to anyone else. Your images will become sharper over time. The key is to spend several minutes each day running these new movies in your mind.
\nWrite A Check To Yourself
\nIt\u2019s extremely powerful to formulate images of successful outcomes \u2014 and to run them through your mind. But, there\u2019s another technique you can use to accelerate your success. You can create visual aids to move you toward what you want.
\nIn 1990, while he was still relatively unknown, comedian Jim Carrey wrote a check to himself for $10 million for \u201cacting services rendered.\u201d The check was postdated
\nThanksgiving 1995. As Carrey explained, it wasn\u2019t about money. He knew that if he was making that much, he\u2019d be working with the best people on the best material.
\nCarrey earned about $800,000 for his work in Ace Ventura and The Mask. Then, in late 1994, he was paid $7 million for his role in Dumb and Dumber. In 1995, he earned many more millions and is now getting $20 million per movie!
\nJim Carrey\u2019s \u201cpostdated check\u201d exercise is a great example of the power of the subconscious mind to actualize a goal that is held with deep conviction and feeling. Thinking about your goal and forming images in your mind will go a long way to creating the success you desire. However, when you also use a tangible representation of your goal (such as a check), your chances of success are even greater!
\nNow, I\u2019m not sharing this example simply because it\u2019s an interesting story about Jim Carrey. This same technique can work for you, too!
\nWhy not tear out one of your checks right now and postdate it three or five years from now with the amount that you want to earn for \u201cservices rendered\u201d? Make sure to look at that check at least once a day… and believe that you\u2019re moving toward that goal.
\nGetting The Job You Want
\nYou can use visual reminders to your advantage in a lot of ways \u2014 it\u2019s not limited to checks. Here\u2019s an example involving a friend of mine, who we\u2019ll call Robert Jones. Robert received his party\u2019s nomination for a judgeship, and he\u2019ll be on the ballot in an upcoming election.
\nWhile Robert stands an excellent chance of winning this election (and realizing his dream of becoming a judge), he\u2019s still a little nervous… and doubts creep into his mind now and again. I suggested to Robert that he make a handwritten sign that reads JUDGE ROBERT JONES and that he put that sign where he\u2019ll see it every day (for example, on his nightstand and on the bathroom mirror). I also recommended that he write these words on a card he can carry in his wallet.
\nBy looking at those words throughout the day, Robert is conditioning his mind to view himself as a judge. He\u2019s going to start thinking about
\nIf you can dream it, you can do it.
\n\u2014 Walt Disney\twearing the black robes. He\u2019ll see everyone rise as he enters the courtroom. As these images become stronger and stronger,
\nRobert will take those actions that will bring this picture into
\nreality. He\u2019ll campaign more. He\u2019ll make sure his party is doing everything possible to get the voters out on Election Day.
\nWhile Robert could have formed strong mental images without the use of the sign, it has so much more power with the visual aid! The sign is a reminder to Robert to think about being a judge… and to run successful images through his mind.
\nOf course, there are no guarantees that this will work for Robert \u2014 or that it will always work for you. But, once you try this for yourself, I think you\u2019ll find that it\u2019s an incredibly powerful aid to help you get what you want!
\nSo, is there a position that you want to achieve? Sales manager… supervisor… attorney… owner of your own business? Whatever it is, create a visual aid and your mind will get to work to bring that picture into your life.
\nIt Works Both Ways
\nBe very careful when using visual reminders. Some people use negative aids \u2014 and with very serious consequences. Bumper stickers offer a prime example.
\nWhile riding in my car a few years ago, I noticed a bumper sticker on the car in front of me. The bumper sticker read, \u201cI owe, I owe, so off to work I go.\u201d In the last few years, I\u2019ve seen this same bumper sticker over and over. It\u2019s obviously quite popular. Just a silly little rhyme, right? A harmless joke?
\nWrong! There\u2019s nothing funny or harmless about this message. When you put something like that on your car, you are programming your mind to keep you in debt!
\nThink about someone who puts this bumper sticker on her car. We\u2019ll call her Alice. Every morning, Alice steps outside to greet the day and sees the statement \u201cI owe.\u201d When it\u2019s time to leave work, she goes back to her car and sees \u201cI owe.\u201d This idea will become embedded in her subconscious mind. She\u2019ll form mental pictures associated with being in debt. And, if you recall Lesson 2, Alice will always attract what she thinks about most. In this case, she will attract lots and lots of debt.
\nIf you ask Alice why she never has enough money, she\u2019ll say that she has bad luck. The truth is, Alice is careless about what goes into her mind. The \u201charmless\u201d little bumper sticker of today becomes your reality tomorrow.
\nAlice is a perfect example of someone throwing more mud on an already dirty attitude window. If attitude is everything, then Alice\u2019s predominant attitude is \u201cI\u2019m a debtor!\u201d With an attitude like that, what do you think her future will bring \u2014 prosperity… or more debt?
\nWe both know the answer to that question.
\nLights… Camera… Action
\nWell, there you have it \u2014 some suggestions for creating and benefiting from your own mental movies. Remember, if you don\u2019t take control and develop your own movies, you\u2019ll continue to replay the old ones. If the old movies are serving you, that\u2019s great. But if they\u2019re holding you back in any way, get started today and use the incredible power of your mind to picture your way to greater success!<\/p>\n
Hear Jeff Keller, Bob Proctor, Jim Rohn, Cynthia
\nKersey and other great Personal Growth Teachers at http:\/\/www.mp3Motivators.com\/<\/p>\n
LESSON 4
\nMake a
\nCommitment… and You\u2019ll Move Mountains!
\nWhat this power is I cannot say; all I know is that it exists and it becomes available only when a man is in that state of mind in which he knows exactly what he wants and is fully determined not to quit until he finds it.
\n\u2014 Alexander Graham Bell
\nI used to think I knew what commitment and persistence meant. Trying hard. Making a lot of attempts. However, I didn\u2019t grasp the true meaning of these concepts until I read a small paperback book entitled The Ultimate Secret To Getting Absolutely Everything You Want, by Mike Hernacki.
\nCommitment is the essence of The Ultimate Secret. According to the author, the key to getting what you want is the \u201cwillingness to do whatever it takes\u201d to accomplish your objective. Now, before your mind jumps to conclusions, let me add that in saying \u201cwhatever it takes\u201d I exclude all actions which are illegal, unethical or which harm other people.
\nSo, exactly what do I mean by this \u201cwillingness\u201d? It\u2019s a mental attitude that says:
\nIf it takes 5 steps to reach my goal, I\u2019ll take those 5 steps; If it takes 55 steps to reach my goal, I\u2019ll take those 55 steps; If it takes 155 steps to reach my goal, I\u2019ll take those 155 steps.
\nOf course, at the outset, you usually won\u2019t know exactly how many steps will be required to reach your goal. This doesn\u2019t matter. To succeed, all that\u2019s necessary is that you make a commitment to do whatever it takes \u2014 regardless of the number of steps involved.
\nWhere does persistence fit in? Persistent action follows commitment \u2014 that is, you first must be committed to something before you\u2019ll persist to achieve it. Once you\u2019ve made a commitment to achieve your goal, then you\u2019ll follow through with relentless determination and action until you attain the desired result.
\nThe \u201cMagic\u201d Of Commitment
\nWhen you make a commitment and are willing to do whatever it takes, you begin to attract the people and circumstances necessary to accomplish your goal. For instance, once you devote yourself to becoming, say, a best-selling author, you might suddenly \u201cbump into\u201d a literary agent or \u201cdiscover\u201d a television program offering advice on this very topic.
\nIt\u2019s not as if these resources never existed before. It\u2019s just that your mind never focused on finding them. Once you commit yourself to something, you create a mental picture of what it would be like to achieve it. Then, your mind immediately goes to work, like a magnet, attracting events and circumstances that will help bring your picture into reality. It\u2019s important to realize, however, that this is not an overnight process; you must be active and seize the opportunities as they appear.
\nThe magic which flows from commitment has never been more eloquently or more accurately described than in the following words by W. H. Murray:
\n\u201cUntil one is committed there is hesitancy, the chance to draw back, always ineffectiveness. Concerning all acts of initiative (and creation) there is one elementary truth, the ignorance of which kills countless ideas and splendid
\nplans; that the moment one definitely\tEffort only fully
\ncommits oneself, then Providence releases its reward moves, too.\tafter a person
\n\u201cAll sorts of things occur to help one that would otherwise never have refuses to quit. occurred. A whole stream of events \u2014 Napoleon Hill
\nissues from the decision, raising in one\u2019s favor all manner of unforeseen incidents and meetings and material assistance, which no man could have dreamt would have come his way.\u201d
\nDoors Will Open
\nHere\u2019s another miraculous feature of the power of commitment: You don\u2019t have to know at the outset how to achieve your goal. Sure, you\u2019ll be better off if you have a plan of attack, but it\u2019s not essential that every step be mapped out in advance.
\nIn fact, when you have the willingness to do whatever it takes, the \u201cright\u201d steps are often suddenly revealed to you. You\u2019ll meet people you never could have planned to meet. Doors will unexpectedly open for you. It might seem like luck or good fortune is smiling on you; in truth, you\u2019ll have created these positive events by making a commitment and, thus, instructing your mind to look for them.
\nHere\u2019s an example of how a door unexpectedly opened for me. In 1989, I started writing motivational articles. I\u2019d learned about the power of a positive attitude and the other success principles, and I was committed to sharing this information with others who could benefit from it. But I had no idea where to start. Do I send my articles to newspapers… submit them to magazines… write my own book?
\nThe first thing I did was submit an article to a local newsletter for people involved in training and human resources. That article was printed in the summer of 1990.
\nA few months later, I got a phone call from a gentleman named Stuart Kamen, a freelance writer who also worked with businesses to produce newsletters. Stuart said he\u2019d seen my article while visiting the home of his best friend \u2014 and was very impressed with it.
\nWith ordinary talent and extraordinary perseverance, all things are attainable.
\n\u2014 Sir Thomas Buxton\tThen he asked me, \u201cHave you ever thought of writing a newsletter?\u201d Quite frankly, I hadn\u2019t thought of doing my own newsletter. We arranged a meeting and Stuart explained how we
\ncould work together to produce a newsletter that would make these
\nself-development concepts available to thousands of people.
\nAbout one month later, the first issue of Attitude is Everything newsletter was published. And we\u2019ve been going strong for more than nine years \u2014 and have reached hundreds of thousands of people with this life-changing information!
\nHow did it all happen? I was committed to sharing these principles with others. I had a positive attitude. I started writing. And then, Stuart Kamen, a complete stranger, entered my life \u2014 someone who knew just how to turn my dream into reality.
\nAh, the magic of commitment!
\nA Word Of Caution
\nBefore you get too excited about waltzing easily toward your goals, I caution you. Even with a commitment, everything won\u2019t be rosy on your path. Life will test you to see how serious you are about achieving your objective. Obstacles will arise. You\u2019ll make mistakes and suffer disappointments and setbacks, some of which may be quite severe and even tempt you to abandon your goal.
\nThat\u2019s when it becomes important to follow the sage wisdom of Winston Churchill, who said: \u201cNever, never, never give up.\u201d Or the advice provided by James J. Corbett: \u201cYou become a champion by fighting one more round. When things are tough, you fight one more round.\u201d
\nIf you\u2019ve made a commitment to accomplish a goal, you can overcome temporary defeats… and you will triumph!
\nCommitment Pays Off For Aspiring
\nNovelist
\nA few years ago, American Way magazine carried a fascinating interview with best-selling novelist David Baldacci. Baldacci is the author of the immensely successful novels Absolute Power, Total Control and The Winner. Millions of copies of his books have been sold.
\nLet me assure you, however, that Baldacci was no overnight success. His accomplishments and financial achievements were the result of his total commitment to developing his talents as a writer. Like me, Baldacci started out as a lawyer. He started law school in 1983 and didn\u2019t give any thought to becoming a best-selling novelist. He simply enjoyed writing.
\nYet, at the outset, Baldacci knew that he didn\u2019t have the necessary writing skills. So he made a commitment, as he put it, to learn the craft of writing. For the first five years, he didn\u2019t finish any of his projects. Every day, he just worked on characters, plot devel- opment and other writing basics. One person with a
\nAt the time, he was a practicing commitment is worth lawyer, and he and his wife had more than 100 people two young children. When did he who have only an
\nfind the time to do this writing?
\nBaldacci worked on his writing interest. every night from 10:00 pm until \u2014 Mary Crowley
\n2:00 am. Now, that\u2019s a commit- ment to do whatever it takes! He pointed out, however, that he had fun writing \u2014 it wasn\u2019t a chore. By the way, I\u2019m not suggesting that you stay up all night to pursue your goals \u2014 that 10:00 pm to 2:00 am shift certainly wouldn\u2019t work for me, and it may not work for you, either!
\nAfter 10 years of writing, Baldacci had completed some short stories and a few screenplays. His total sales: ZERO. All that he had to show for his efforts were a lot of rejections from editors.
\nIn 1996, all of Baldacci\u2019s efforts paid off… big time! He received millions of dollars for the literary and movie rights to his blockbuster thriller Absolute Power. The star of the movie was Clint Eastwood.
\nSuch is the power of a person who is committed.
\nHe Refused To Quit
\nI\u2019ve learned a lot about the magic of commitment from my good friend, Jerry Gladstone. In 1986, Jerry started his own company, American Royal Arts, selling a variety of collectibles. One year later, he decided to concentrate on selling animation art. He secured licenses with Warner Brothers, Hanna Barbera and other, smaller studios. But he realized that to really grow his business, he needed to sell Disney art.
\nFor three years, he wrote letters and called Disney headquarters requesting permission to sell Disney art. Each time, he got the same answer from Disney: NO.
\nThat didn\u2019t stop Jerry. He kept contacting Disney executives. One executive finally had just about all she could take of Jerry. So she told him, in
\nThe rewards for those who persevere far exceed the pain that must precede the victory.\ta voice and tone reminiscent of Maleficent from Sleeping Beauty, the evil queen from Snow White and Cruella DeVil from 101 Dalmatians all rolled into one,
\n\u2014 Ted Engstrom \u201cYou\u2019ll\tnever\tget a Disney \tlicense!\u201d
\nTime to give up, right? Not Jerry! Through all these rejections, he kept a great attitude. He called more executives at Disney. And then one gentleman at Disney, hoping to get rid of Jerry once and for all, said, \u201cWell, the only two places we would consider allowing a gallery offering Disney artwork to open would be either Minnesota or Massachusetts.\u201d
\nJerry\u2019s business was in New York, and he had no desire to open a gallery in a remote location. Guess what Jerry did? He flew to Boston the very next day. And by the end of the day, he had signed a lease for a place on Newbury Street in Boston!
\nHe called the Disney executive to report that he had the Massachusetts location. They both had a good laugh. And then the executive said to Jerry, \u201cIf you had the courage to go up to Boston the next day and open a place just like that, we have to put you on the Disney program.\u201d Within a few weeks, Jerry opened the Boston gallery featuring the Disney line.
\nWithin a year, he was given permission to market the Disney line through his New York store. Jerry has now done business with Disney for 10 years. He has sold millions of dollars of Disney art and is the largest volume Disney animation art dealer in the world!
\nTalk about commitment… talk about keeping a good attitude in the face of rejection! Jerry was going to get the Disney license no matter what it took. Just ask Jerry, and he\u2019ll tell you \u201cin a New York minute\u201d that attitude is everything!
\nAs Long As It Takes
\nI\u2019d like to share with you the story of Benjamin Roll, who lives in Newport Beach, California. In 1990, at the age of 67, Roll graduated from law school. Naturally, before he could start practicing law, he had to pass the California Bar Examination.
\nOn his first attempt at the examination, he failed. On his second attempt, he failed. And he failed the third time… the fourth time… the fifth time… the sixth time… the seventh time… the eighth time… the ninth time… the 10th time… the 11th time… the 12th time… and the 13th time.
\nLet me add one important fact: the Bar Examination is given only twice each year. So, at the time of his 13th failed attempt, Roll was now 73 years old. Most people would have quit, but not Benjamin Roll!
\nHe took the exam for the 14th time… and he passed! In 1997, at the age of 74, Roll was admitted to practice law in the state of California. Now, here\u2019s a guy who\u2019s committed… and willing to do whatever it takes. As Roll explained, \u201cI was going to pass that cotton-pickin\u2019 exam if
\nI lived long enough. And I did!\u201d
\nDoes this story tell you anything about the importance of attitude? Most people wouldn\u2019t even consider starting law school in their 60s. Yet, here\u2019s someone who not only enrolled in law school, but was willing to spend six years after graduation studying to pass the Bar Exam.
\nWow! Benjamin Roll\u2019s story is simply further proof that attitude is everything!
\nTime To Make A Commitment
\nNow, let\u2019s assume you have a goal in mind. The next question to ask yourself is, \u201cAm I willing to do whatever it takes to achieve this goal?\u201d If your answer is, \u201cI\u2019ll do just about anything, except that I won\u2019t do _____ ,\u201d then frankly, you\u2019re not committed.
\nAnd if you\u2019re not committed, it\u2019s likely that you\u2019ll be derailed and not achieve your objective. For instance, many people start a new business with this approach: \u201cI\u2019ll give it six months to prosper. If things don\u2019t work out after six months, I\u2019ll quit.\u201d This is not a mental attitude that leads to success.
\nWhere would novelist David Baldacci be if he had said, \u201cI\u2019ll try the writing for one year… and if I can\u2019t sell anything, I\u2019ll give it up\u201d? He\u2019d have missed out on the opportunity to do what he loves… have financial independence… and live his dream!
\nNow, I\u2019m not suggesting that you just bull ahead without a plan and hope for the best. Of course you should set timetables, deadlines and budgets so you stay on course and succeed as quickly as possible. But the reality is, despite your most careful plans, you don\u2019t know how long it will take to achieve your goal… and you can\u2019t foresee all<\/p>\n
LESSON 5
\nTurn Your Problems into Opportunities
\nEvery adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.
\n\u2014 Napoleon Hill
\nWhen faced with problems or setbacks in your life, what is your immediate reaction? If you\u2019re like most people, your first impulse is to complain. \u201cWhy did this have to happen to me? What am I going to do now? My plans are ruined!\u201d
\nThis response is only natural. However, after the initial disappointment wears off, you have a choice to make. You can either wallow in misery and dwell on the negative aspects of your situation or you can find the benefit or lesson that the problem is offering.
\nYes, you\u2019ll probably face a period of uncertainty or struggle, but there\u2019s always a flip side to the difficulty. You see, a \u201cproblem\u201d is often not a problem at all. It may actually be an opportunity. For instance, a problem may point out an adjustment you can make to improve certain conditions in your life. Without the problem, you never would have taken this positive action.
\nFor example, you probably know or have heard about someone who lost his or her job and then went on to start a successful business. Often, that person will tell you that if he or she hadn\u2019t been laid off, the new business would never have been started. What started as an adversity ended up as a golden opportunity.
\nHow about the times you were absolutely convinced that a particular job was perfect for you; you had a great interview and just couldn\u2019t wait for the offer. But the offer never came \u2014 someone else got the job. You were devastated! Days or months later a new job came along, and you realized that the first position was much less desirable than the one that came along later. The earlier rejection was, in fact, a blessing. Another example is the deal on the \u201cdream house\u201d which falls through… only to be replaced by something even better.
\nFinding the Benefit
\nThe New York Times printed an essay, \u201cIs There Meaning to a Brain Tumor?\u201d written by a 40-year-old woman named Sharon who was told that she had a large tumor behind her left eye. The tumor was surgically removed in a six-hour operation. Fortunately, it was benign. Can you imagine someone finding a host of benefits in this frightening situation? According to Sharon, there have been many positives.
\nSharon was deeply touched by the outpouring of help and support the community gave to her and her family during this crisis. People in the community, some of whom were only acquaintances, provided evening meals for her husband and their children. Her friends made arrangements for her house to be cleaned. Sharon learned about the human capacity for kindness and for helping others in time of need.
\nHaving confronted the fragility of her own life, Sharon now says that she developed a more positive attitude and is eager to accomplish the goals she set while lying in her hospital bed. She also has developed a closer, more meaningful relationship with her brother and sister. As Sharon explained, it took a personal misfortune for her to see how good life can be. She has gained a new appreciation and zest for living by overcoming a trying and difficult experience.
\nFrom Tragedy To Triumph
\nThe road to success often travels through adversity. Just ask entrepreneur Dave Bruno. In the 1980s, Bruno worked his way up to national sales manager for a medical equipment company. He and his wife, Marlene, and their three young children lived in a lovely suburban home in Milwaukee. Things were looking good.
\nBut in 1984 Bruno lost his job. And several months later \u2014 while still out of work \u2014 Dave Bruno was driving home at night when his car veered off the road and crashed. He suffered massive injuries, including collapsed lungs, broken ribs, a bruised heart, a ruptured spleen and a lacerated liver.
\nThe doctors didn\u2019t know if he would live. Bruno himself thought he was going to die.
\nAfter tenuously clinging to a life No pressure, no support system for three days, diamonds. he was miraculously in the clear. \u2014 Mary Case
\nBruno felt like he\u2019d been given a<\/p>\n
second chance.
\nWhile recovering in the hospital, he started to think about what he would do with his life. Prior to the accident, and indeed for most of his life, he had collected motivational and inspirational quotes. He had learned as a youngster the amazing power quotations could hold, as his mother had a habit of strategically placing them throughout the house and on the refrigerator. They always lifted his spirits and provided direction.
\nSuddenly, he had a flash of insight about what to do. He\u2019d start a business to share these quotations with others, so they, too, could be inspired. But he didn\u2019t have a clue about how to do it.
\nAnd after he got out of the hospital there was more bleak news. Because of astronomical medical bills and the inability to work, Bruno had to declare bankruptcy. He and his family lost their home and moved into a cramped apartment.
\nYet Bruno would not give up on his dream. He pushed onward, with a positive attitude and relentless determination. Over the next few years, he took jobs where he could learn about marketing and printing. He was always looking for a vehicle for his quotations.
\nOne day, an idea hit him like
\nThe things which hurt, instruct.
\n\u2014 Benjamin Franklin
\na ton of bricks: He\u2019d print the quotations on credit card stock. Later that evening, he was watching TV and saw a commercial for a credit card compa-
\nny\u2019s \u201cgold card.\u201d
\nEven better, he thought. Print the quotes on metallic gold cards that people could take with them wherever they went. So, he created a series of quotations on topics such as attitude, leadership, persistence and courage. He called them Success Gold Cards.
\nFive years after leaving the hospital, Dave Bruno sold his first Success Gold Card. And, I\u2019m happy to report that he\u2019s now sold more than two million of those cards!
\nDave Bruno turned a tragic accident into an incredible triumph.
\nBusiness Disappointment Is Blessing In
\nDisguise
\nNow, I don\u2019t want you to think that this principle only applies to tragedies, because nothing could be further from the truth. I\u2019d like to share a business example that reinforced my faith in this concept. In March of 1991, after an exhaustive search, I selected a company to screen print my Attitude is Everything T-shirts.
\nIn late June, I committed myself to a local and national advertising campaign to market these shirts. A serious issue developed in early July.
\nInstead of filling an order in two weeks (as originally promised), the screen printer didn\u2019t fill the order for more than five weeks. This was unacceptable, and I\tIt is a rough road that leads to the heights of greatness.
\n\u2014 Seneca
\ndecided to find another screen\t printer.
\nBut I\u2019d already established my pricing and delivery terms based on discussions with the original printer. This was a major problem, right? What if I couldn\u2019t find another company to deliver a product of equal quality at or near the same price?
\nWell, rather than get depressed and curse my rotten luck, I immediately set out to get another, better printer. Within one week, I found the printer I was looking for. Now, instead of having an order filled in two to five weeks, it is filled in two to four days. Eight years later, I\u2019m still working with this vendor.
\nLosing the first screen printer was the best thing that could have happened! Of course, I didn\u2019t know it at the time, but I kept believing that I could make this seemingly \u201cbad situation\u201d turn out to my advantage. And I did. Experiences like this have taught me that when one door shuts, there is always a better one waiting to be opened.
\nCareer Change Emerges From Frustration
\nMy own career transition is another example of how benefits come from problems and difficulties. I was never interested in self-development materials until I had years of unhappiness after graduating from law school. I only found these principles after I\u2019d reached a low point in my life.
\nI now realize that all the miseries I endured were really blessings in disguise! I can see, quite clearly, how the events of my life \u201cset me up\u201d for what was to come. I had to go through the tough times and the unhappiness \u2014 and to break through that low mood so I would understand the power of a positive attitude.
\nSo, when someone tells me they\u2019re discouraged, or it\u2019s obvious they have a negative attitude, I know what that feels like. I\u2019ve been there! By going through some challenging times, I learned things that are invaluable to me \u2014 and I can relate much better to
\nAdversity brings out our hidden potential.
\n\u2014 Jeff Keller\tthose who hear my presentations and read my writings.
\nAnd the reality is, if I hadn\u2019t
\ngrown more and more dissatis fied with my work as an attor-
\nney, I never would have been open to switching careers. If I had rated my job as a \u201cC\u201d or \u201cC-,\u201d I would have kept practicing law. I would have settled for living a \u201cC\u201d life. It\u2019s only because I was a \u201cD-\u201d… and heading for an \u201cF\u201d… that I was motivated to make a change!
\nWhen someone asks me why I changed careers, I reply, without hesitation, \u201cLOTS OF PAIN\u201d \u2014 physically, emotionally and spiritually. And it\u2019s that pain \u2014 too intense to ignore \u2014 that forced me to make a decision and move in another direction. Life is now an \u201cA\u201d… and things are only getting better!
\nNow, let\u2019s look at your life. Can you think of any situations where a seemingly negative experience turned into something positive?
\nMaybe you were dismissed from a job… and then landed a better position. Or, perhaps you had a health problem and it caused you to change your diet or to start exercising regularly. Carefully review the difficulties and setbacks you\u2019ve faced \u2014 and identify the benefits and lessons that came out of these experiences. The positives are there… if you look for them!
\nHow Adversity Serves Us
\nAt this point, let\u2019s examine seven ways in which adversity can serve us.
\n1.\tAdversity gives us perspective. Once you\u2019ve recovered from a life-threatening illness, a flat tire or a leaky roof doesn\u2019t seem so troubling anymore. You\u2019re able to rise above the petty annoyances of daily living and focus your attention on the truly important things in your life.
\n2.\tAdversity teaches us to be grateful. Through problems and difficulties, especially those which involve loss or deprivation, you develop a deeper appreciation for many aspects of your life. It\u2019s trite but true \u2014 you don\u2019t usually appreciate something until it\u2019s taken away from you. When you have no hot water, you suddenly value hot water. Not until you\u2019re sick do you cherish good health. The wise person continues to dwell on blessings, even after the period of loss or deprivation has passed. Remember, we\u2019re always moving in the direction of our dominant thoughts; therefore, concentrating on what you have to be grateful for brings even more good things into your life.
\n3.\tAdversity brings out our hidden potential. After surviving a difficult ordeal or overcoming an obstacle, you emerge emotionally stronger. Life has tested you and you were equal to the task. Then, when the next hurdle appears, you\u2019re better equipped to handle it. Problems and challenges bring out the best within us \u2014 we discover abilities we never knew we possessed. Many of us would never have discovered these talents if life hadn\u2019t made us travel over some bumpy ground. Adversity reveals to you your own strengths and capacities, and beckons you to devel-
\nop those qualities even further.
\n4.\tAdversity encourages us to make changes and take action. Most people cling to old, familiar patterns regardless of how boring or painful their lives have become. It often takes a crisis or a series of difficulties to motivate them to make adjustments. Problems are often life\u2019s way of letting you know that you\u2019re off course and need to take corrective action.
\n5.\tAdversity teaches us valuable lessons. Take the example of a failed business venture: The entrepreneur may learn something that enables him or her to succeed spectacularly on the next venture.
\n6.\tAdversity opens a new door. A relationship terminates and you go on to a more satisfying relationship. You lose your job and find a better one. In these instances, the \u201cproblem\u201d is not a problem at all, but rather an opportunity in disguise. One door in your life has been shut, but there is a better one waiting to be opened.
\n7.\tAdversity builds confidence and self-esteem. When you muster all of your courage and determination to overcome an obstacle, you feel competent and gain confidence. You have a greater feeling of self-worth and you carry these positive feelings into subsequent activities.
\nLook For The Positive
\nSure, you\u2019ll have your share of problems and adversities in life. I\u2019m not suggesting that when tragedy strikes you deny your emotions or refuse to face reality. What I am saying is don\u2019t immediately judge your situation as a tragedy and dwell on how bad off you are. Sometimes you won\u2019t be able to instantly spot the benefit that will come from being in your situation… but it does exist.
\nYou always have a choice. You can view your problems
\nas negative and become gloomy and depressed about them. Let me assure you this approach will only make things worse. Or, you can see every seemingly negative experience in your life as an opportunity… as something you can learn from… as something you can grow from. Believe it or not, your problems are there to serve you \u2014 not to destroy you!
\nSo, the next time you suffer a problem or setback in your life, don\u2019t get discouraged or give up. Don\u2019t let problems cloud your attitude window forever. Clear off that cloudy window. You may find, after the dust settles, that you can actually see better than you did before! Just remember the words of Napoleon Hill: \u201cEvery adversity carries with it the seed of an equivalent or greater benefit.\u201d
\nContinually ask yourself what you\u2019ve learned from your trying experience and focus on moving forward and growing as a person. In times of crisis, always strive to maintain an optimistic attitude and an open mind \u2014 for this is the environment that will allow you to find the benefit in your difficulty.<\/p>\n
ATTITUDE — it really makes the difference in how we feel, how we look and how we perform in every area of our lives. That’s where our effective motivational products fit in. Our unique Attitude is Everything selections will help remind you — and others — to have a positive attitude (the only kind worth having!).<\/p>\n
Here are some of the effective ways to use these motivational products:
\ngive them to members of your organization at meetings, conventions and other outings award them to staff members to recognize special accomplishments or as an incentive to reach goals
\npresent them as a thank you to valued customers or as gift to friends, relatives or business
\nassociates
\nreinforce your positive attitude at home or work, or while exercising give them to youngsters to plant the seeds of positive thinking
\nADD YOUR LOGO TO THE ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING MESSAGE
\nMany of the Attitude is Everything products can be customized with the logo of your company or organization. It’s a great way to combine motivation and promotion — and always makes a big hit at meetings and conventions. Please call us at 1-800-790-5333 for more information.<\/p>\n
http:\/\/www.attitudeiseverything.com\/<\/p>\n
PART 2
\nWatch Your Words
\nRepeat anything often enough and it will start to become you.
\n\u2014 Tom Hopkins
\nLESSON 6
\nYour Words Blaze a Trail
\nThe words you consistently select will shape your destiny.
\n\u2014 Anthony Robbins
\nWhen was the last time you seriously thought about the words you use each and every day? How carefully do you select them?
\nNow, you might be thinking, \u201cJeff, why all this fuss about words? What\u2019s the big deal?\u201d The answer is simple. Your words have incredible power. They can build a bright future, destroy opportunity or help maintain the status quo. Your words reinforce your beliefs… and your beliefs create your reality.
\nThink of this process as a row of dominos that looks like this:
\nTHOUGHTS \u2018 WORDS \u2018 BELIEFS \u2018 ACTIONS \u2018 RESULTS
\nHere\u2019s how it works. Tom has a THOUGHT, such as \u201cI\u2019m not very good when it comes to sales.\u201d Now, let\u2019s remember that he doesn\u2019t have this thought only once. Oh, no. He\u2019s run it through his mind on a regular basis, maybe hundreds or thousands of times in his life!
\nThen, Tom starts to use WORDS that support this thought. He says to his friends and colleagues, \u201cI\u2019m never going to do very well in sales\u201d or \u201cI just hate making sales calls or approaching prospects.\u201d Here again, Tom repeats these phrases over and over… in his self-talk and in his discussions with others.
\nThis, in turn, strengthens his BELIEFS \u2014 and it\u2019s at this stage where the rubber really meets the road. You see, everything that you\u2019ll achieve in your life flows from your beliefs. So, in our sales example, Tom develops the belief that he\u2019s not going to be successful in sales and that he won\u2019t earn much money. This becomes embedded in his subconscious mind.
\nWhat can possibly flow from that belief? Because Tom doesn\u2019t believe in his sales ability, he takes very little ACTION, or he takes actions that aren\u2019t productive. He doesn\u2019t do the things that would be necessary to succeed in sales.
\nAnd then, quite predictably, Tom gets very poor RESULTS.
\nTo make matters worse, Tom then starts to think more \tnegative thoughts… repeat more
\nWords are, of course, the most powerful drug used by mankind.
\n\u2014 Rudyard Kipling\tnegative words… reinforce negative beliefs… and get even more negative results. It\u2019s a vicious cycle!
\nOf course, this whole process could have had a very happy ending if Tom had selected posi-
\ntive THOUGHTS… and reinforced them with positive WORDS. In turn, he\u2019d reinforce the BELIEF that he\u2019s successful in sales. As a result, Tom would take the ACTIONS consistent with that belief… and wind up with outstanding RESULTS.<\/p>\n
My point is don\u2019t underestimate the role of your WORDS in this process. People who feed themselves a steady diet of negative words are destined to have a negative attitude. It\u2019s a simple matter of cause and effect. You can\u2019t keep repeating negative words and expect to be a high achiever. And that\u2019s because negative words will always lead to the reinforcement of negative beliefs \u2014 and eventually to negative outcomes.
\nWhy You Don\u2019t Want Me To Fix Anything
\nIn Your Home
\nWhen it comes to home repairs, I\u2019m lost. You want me to replace a faucet or fix something in the toilet tank? I\u2019d have a better chance of reaching the top of Mount Everest. Carpentry or electrical wiring? I haven\u2019t got a clue. You want to know my ultimate Achilles heel? It\u2019s those instruction sheets that explain how to assemble something that you\u2019ve just taken out of the box. You know what I mean \u2014 those black and white booklets with references to \u201cFigure 10A\u201d that show you (or claim to show you!) where all the nuts and bolts go… and how all the parts fit together.
\nInstruction sheets have the same affect on me as kryptonite had on Superman. If you recall the old Superman programs, the villain would shoot bullets at Superman \u2014 and the bullets bounced off his chest harmlessly. But there was one substance that Superman could not defend against \u2014 kryptonite. Whenever the bad guy held up a piece of kryptonite, Superman got wobbly and began to lose his power.
\nWell, when I see an instruction sheet, I get weak in the knees and lose my power. I just know it\u2019s useless for me to even look at it. There\u2019s no way I\u2019m going to understand it. So I put down the instructions and yell for Dolores to come in and show me what to do. For Dolores, it\u2019s a piece of cake.
\nHow did it come to this? I don\u2019t claim to be the smartest guy in the world, but I consider myself to be reasonably intelligent. Am I missing some gene for home repair skills that other people were given? No, that\u2019s not it, either.
\nThe answer is quite obvious. For the last 40 years, I have repeatedly said, \u201cI\u2019m no good at mechanical things\u201d and \u201cI can\u2019t fix anything.\u201d And, lo and behold, after 40 years of using negative words, I\u2019ve developed a strong belief that I can\u2019t do these things.
\nDo you see how I created this situation by not being careful about the words I used? And, the truth is I could eventually reverse this trend if I\u2019d start using positive words about my ability to make repairs.
\nScientist\u2019s Words Are Worth Looking At
\nYears ago, I read an article about Kent Cullers, a scientist who headed NASA\u2019s Search for Extra Terrestrial Intelligence project. Cullers, who has a doctorate in physics, was developing software that searches for radio signals indicating the presence of other life forms in the universe.
\nSounds a little like Star Trek, doesn\u2019t it? But make no mistake about it, this is some pretty technical scientific research.
\nAnd yet, Cullers has a physical challenge to contend with. Let me tell you how he describes it. He refers to his condition as \u201ca trivial affliction\u201d and \u201cjust barely an incon-<\/p>\n
In words are seen the state of mind, character and disposition of the speaker.
\n\u2014 Plutarch\tticular physical challenge? A touch of arthritis? Or an occasional migraine headache?
\nKent Cullers is blind. That\u2019s right… he\u2019s blind. Isn\u2019t it incredible that someone can describe
\nvenience.\u201d What is Cullers\u2019 par blindness as \u201ca trivial affliction\u201d
\nor \u201cjust barely an inconvenience\u201d?
\nBy using these words, Kent Cullers is empowering himself to achieve great things. He doesn\u2019t give any power to his limitations and, as a result, he is able to transcend them and accomplish more than those who have their sight.
\nWhat obstacles are you facing in your life right now? Imagine the power you could unleash if you saw them as \u201cjust barely an inconvenience\u201d instead of as an insurmountable barrier.
\nTo Tell… Or Not To Tell
\nWhen I speak about the importance of using positive language to move you toward your goals, some of you may be wondering, \u201cJeff, do I say these positive words to myself or do I also say these words to other people?\u201d You may be afraid that if you tell others about your goals, they\u2019ll think you\u2019re being conceited \u2014 and they may even laugh at you.
\nAllow me to suggest a few guidelines in this area, with the understanding that there are no \u201chard and fast\u201d rules \u2014 and you should do what works best for you.
\nTo begin with, use positive self-talk as often as possible. In my view, the more the merrier. After all, you\u2019re talking to yourself, so you don\u2019t have to worry about others hearing your comments. The key is that you hear this positive input again and again… and it becomes deeply rooted in your subconscious mind.
\nWhether to share your goals with other people is a much trickier issue. One thing I\u2019ve learned is this: Never discuss your goals with negative people. All they\u2019ll do is argue and point out all the reasons why you won\u2019t be successful. Who needs that? Often, these \u201cnegative nellies\u201d are the ones who do little or nothing in their own lives. They have no goals or dreams \u2014 and they don\u2019t want anyone else to succeed, either.
\nYet, there are some instances when you can benefit by telling others about your goals. First of all, make sure that you\u2019re speaking with someone who\u2019s extremely positive and totally supportive of your efforts. This should be the kind of person who would be absolutely delighted if you achieved this goal… and would do anything in his or her power to assist you. You may have a friend or colleague that fits this role \u2014 or certain family members.
\nIt\u2019s also important to share your goals with others who are working with you to achieve that outcome. For example, if a sales manager wants to increase sales in the coming year by 20 percent, he or she would make this goal known to everyone on the staff. Then, everyone can work together to achieve it.
\nEven though I\u2019m encouraging you to use positive words to move you toward your objectives, I\u2019m not suggesting that you ignore the obstacles that you may face \u2014 or that you discourage feedback from other people. Before embarking on any goal, you want to prepare for what may be coming down the road. Personally, I prefer to discuss those issues with someone who is positive… someone whose feedback includes creative solutions to the difficulties that may arise.
\nFurthermore, I\u2019ll only discuss my plans with people who are qualified to render an intelligent opinion on the subject. If you\u2019re thinking of going into your own business, it simply makes no sense to consult with your Uncle Elmer, especially if Uncle Elmer is negative and worked for someone else all of his life. What does he know about owning a business? He\u2019ll give you a list of reasons NOT to go into business for yourself. After your little chat with Uncle Elmer, you\u2019ll start to doubt yourself. You don\u2019t need that kind of help!
\nWords And Accountability
\nThere\u2019s another reason why, in some cases, you might decide to share your goal with someone else. And that\u2019s for accountability. In other words, if I tell others I\u2019m going to do something, then I have to go ahead and do it! Think of this approach as \u201cburning your bridges.\u201d
\nLet me assure you I\u2019m not a believer in \u201cburning bridges\u201d when it comes to personal or business relationships. But sometimes the only way to move forward in life \u2014 and to achieve an ambitious goal \u2014 is to cut off all avenues of retreat.
\nThis can be a very useful strategy. We may tell a friend that we\u2019re going to work out at the gym three times this week \u2014 knowing that at the end of the week, this friend will ask whether we did, in fact, go to the gym three times!
\nAn even more dramatic example is that of well-known motivational speaker Zig Ziglar.
\nZiglar decided to go on a diet and The people who reduce his weight from 202 always talk about a pounds to 165 pounds. At the lack of money genersame time, he was writing his
\nally don t accumulate
\nbook See You At The Top.
\nIn the book, Ziglar included a much of it. statement that he got his weight \u2014 Jeff Keller<\/p>\n
down to 165 pounds. This was 10 months before the book went to press. And then he placed an order with the printer for 25,000 copies! Now, remember, at the time he wrote these words, Ziglar actually weighed 202. He put his credibility on the line with 25,000 people!
\nBy including a statement that he weighed 165 pounds, Ziglar knew that he had to lose 37 pounds before the book was printed. And, he did!
\nUse this strategy selectively. Limit it to those goals that are very important to you \u2014 and where you\u2019re committed to go the distance. Is it risky? You bet it is. But it\u2019s a tremendous motivator!
\nWords And Emotions
\nIn his best-selling book Awaken the Giant Within, Anthony Robbins devotes an entire chapter to the way in which our vocabulary affects our emotions, our beliefs and our effectiveness in life. I don\u2019t agree with all of Robbins\u2019 philosophies, but his observations about the power of words are right on the mark. Robbins is keenly aware of how certain words impact our emotional intensity.
\nFor instance, let\u2019s say that someone has lied to you. You could react by saying that you\u2019re \u201cangry\u201d or \u201cupset.\u201d If, however, you used the words \u201cfurious,\u201d \u201clivid\u201d or \u201cenraged,\u201d your physiology and your subsequent behavior would be dramatically altered. Your blood pressure would rise. Your face would turn beet red. You\u2019d feel tense all over.
\nOn the other hand, what if you characterized the situation as \u201cannoying\u201d or said that you were \u201cpeeved\u201d? This lowers your emotional intensity considerably. In fact, saying that you are \u201cpeeved,\u201d explains Robbins, will probably make you laugh \u2014 and break the negative emotional cycle completely. You\u2019d be much more relaxed.
\nRobbins gives other examples
\nChoose words that will point you in the direction of your goals.
\n\u2014 Jeff Keller\tof how you can lower the intensity of negative emotions.
\nImagine, for instance, replacing \u201cI\u2019ve been destroyed\u201d with \u201cI\u2019ve been set back\u201d… or using the
\nphrase \u201cI prefer\u201d instead of \u201cI hate.\u201d Of course, you can also
\nintentionally select words to heighten positive emotions. Instead of saying \u201cI\u2019m determined,\u201d why not say \u201cI\u2019m unstoppable!\u201d Or, in place of declaring that you \u201cfeel okay,\u201d try \u201cI feel phenomenal!\u201d or \u201cI feel just tremendous!\u201d
\nJuicy, exciting words like that lift your spirits to a higher level and profoundly influence those around you. When you consciously decide to use such terms, you\u2019re actually choosing to change the path on which you\u2019ve been traveling. Others will respond to you differently and you\u2019ll alter your perception of yourself, as well.
\nA Closer Look At Your Words
\nLet\u2019s take a look at your life for a moment. Are there any areas where you\u2019ve been using phrases like \u201cI can\u2019t,\u201d \u201cI\u2019m no good at ____\u201d and \u201cIt\u2019s impossible\u201d? We all know people who make statements like these:
\nI can\u2019t draw.
\nI\u2019m no good at math.
\nI can\u2019t remember names.
\nIt\u2019s impossible for me to make that kind of money.
\nWhen you make these comments day in and day out for 10, 20 or 30 years, you\u2019re programming your mind for failure! It all comes back to your attitude. Every one of these examples reflects a negative attitude. And if you see the world through a smudged window, you\u2019re going to use negative language… and get disappointing results.
\nFortunately, you can control your words \u2014 which means that you have the ability to build a positive belief system… and to produce the results you want. The first step is awareness. Let\u2019s examine the phrases you\u2019ve been using in four key areas of your life \u2014 relationships, finances, career and health.
\n1.\tRelationships
\nDo you say things like \u201cAll the good men (or women) are taken!\u201d or \u201cPeople are always taking advantage of me!\u201d If you do, you\u2019re literally programming yourself for unhappy relationships. Your mind hears every word you speak and it sets out to prove you right. With regard to our above examples, your mind will see to it that you attract only those persons who will disappoint you or take advantage of you. Is this what you want? If not, stop repeating (and causing your mind to focus on) such negative statements!
\n2.\tFinances
\nWhat words do you use on a regular basis to describe your current financial situation and your prospects for the future? Phrases such as \u201cI\u2019m always in debt,\u201d \u201cThe economy is lousy\u201d or \u201cNo one is buying\u201d work against you. Far better to choose language which reaffirms prosperity and better economic times. Of course, you won\u2019t necessarily have abundant wealth within a few days after changing the way you speak. But the physical conditions can change only after your beliefs have altered. Clearing up your language is an important first step!
\nAfter all, the people with wealth in this world didn\u2019t get that way by moaning about being in poverty. And the people who always talk about a lack of money generally don\u2019t accumulate much of it.
\n3.\tCareer
\nIf I were to ask you about your career prospects over the next five to 10 years, how would you respond? Be honest. Would you say that things will probably remain the same as they are now? Or would you describe a higher position with more challenges, more responsibilities and increased financial rewards? If you respond \u201cI don\u2019t know where I\u2019m going in my career,\u201d chances are not much will change. Your language reflects your lack of vision and direction. If, on the other hand, you have a clear goal which you can (and do) articulate fairly often \u2014 even if only to yourself \u2014 you stand an excellent chance of reaching that goal.
\nThe same, of course, holds true if you have your own business. Do you use language that is consistent with the growth of your business? Or do you constantly talk about how you\u2019ll never get to the next level?
\n4.\tHealth
\nWithout question, our words have a profound impact on our health. For example, imagine that a group of us sat down to what seemed to be a perfectly wholesome and delicious meal. Then, two hours later I called and told you that every person who ate with us had been rushed to the hospital and treated for food poisoning! Suppose that you felt perfectly fine before I called. How would you react after hearing my information?
\nMost likely, you\u2019d clutch your stomach, get pale and feel very ill. Why? Because my words instilled a belief in you which, in turn, your body started acting upon. This same bodily reaction would have occurred even if I was playing a cruel joke and was lying about the whole situation! Your body responds to words it hears you and other people say. That\u2019s why it makes absolutely no sense to keep repeating that you have \u201cchronic back pain that will never go away\u201d or that you get \u201cthree or four bad colds every year.\u201d By uttering these statements, you are actually instructing your body to manifest pain and disease!
\nPlease don\u2019t misunderstand. I\u2019m not suggesting that you deny pain or disease \u2014 or that you can overcome any illness \u2014 but there\u2019s certainly nothing to be gained (and much harm that can flow) from using language that reinforces suffering and incurability.
\nYou Have A Choice
\nWell, have you thought about the words you use in these four areas of your life? When we repeat certain phrases over and over, it\u2019s as if a \u201cgroove\u201d is formed in our brain. We keep replaying the same old refrain in our heads like a broken record. The trouble is, whenever you say these words you just deepen the groove, replaying the same old myths in your mind, strengthening the same old beliefs… and getting the same old results.
\nRecognize, however, that just because you\u2019ve said things in the past there\u2019s no reason to blindly continue doing so. While it takes some discipline and vigilance on your part to make changes in your language, it\u2019s well worth the effort! So, from now on, consciously choose words that will point you in the direction of your goals. Ask a friend to remind you when you slip.
\nRemember, it\u2019s up to you to speak in a way that will move you toward what you want in life. Therefore, use words that are consistent with the path you truly wish to be on… take action along those lines… and watch yourself begin to travel in that wonderful direction!<\/p>\n
LESSON 7
\nHow Are You?
\nYour day goes the way the corners of your mouth turn.
\n\u2014 Unknown
\nOur answer to the question How are you? seems like such a small thing. But we must answer that question at least 10 times a day \u2014 and perhaps as many as 50. So it\u2019s not a small thing at all. It\u2019s a significant part of our daily conversations.
\nWhen someone asks How are you? what do you say? Your answer is usually no more than a few words. And yet, that short response tells a lot about you \u2014 and your attitude. In fact, your response can literally shape your attitude.
\nI\u2019ve observed that the responses to How are you? can be classified into three categories: negative, mediocre and positive. Let\u2019s examine these three categories and some common responses under each one.
\nNegative Responses
\nThe negative replies to How are you? include phrases such as:
\n\u201cLousy.\u201d
\n\u201cTerrible.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m tired.\u201d
\n\u201cIt\u2019s not my day.\u201d
\n\u201cThank God it\u2019s Friday.\u201d
\n\u201cA day older and a dollar broker.\u201d
\n\u201cDon\u2019t ask.\u201d
\nWhen someone responds with \u201cDon\u2019t ask,\u201d I know I\u2019m in for trouble. That person is going to unleash a multitude of complaints and make me sorry for asking How are you? in the first place!
\nAnd I really pity those who take the \u201cThank God it\u2019s Friday\u201d approach to life. Think of what they\u2019re saying. \u201cMonday, Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday are bad days every week.\u201d For these people, four-fifths of their work week is lousy! The fifth day, Friday, is \u201cbearable\u201d only because they know they\u2019ll have the next two days off! Is this a way to live your life? Are you beginning to see how these negative phrases can poison your attitude… and turn off other people?
\nMediocre Responses
\nThose in the mediocre group are a step up from the negative bunch \u2014 but they still have plenty of room for improvement. Here are some of the things they say: \u201cI\u2019m okay.\u201d
\n\u201cNot too bad.\u201d
\n\u201cCould be worse.\u201d
\n\u201cSame old, same old.\u201d
\n\u201cHangin\u2019 in there.\u201d
\n\u201cFine.\u201d
\nDo you really want to spend a lot of time with someone who thinks that life is \u201cnot too bad\u201d? Is that the person you want to do business with? When we use words like these, we also diminish our energy. Can you imagine someone saying \u201cCould be worse\u201d with an upright posture… and a lot of enthusiasm? Of course not. These people sound like they haven\u2019t slept in two days.
\nThere\u2019s no getting around it. People who use mediocre words will develop a mediocre attitude… and get mediocre results. And I know you don\u2019t want that!
\nPositive Responses
\nThen, there\u2019s the positive approach. These are the enthusiastic people who say:
\n\u201cTerrific.\u201d
\n\u201cFantastic.\u201d \u201cGreat.\u201d
\n\u201cExcellent.\u201d
\n\u201cSuper.\u201d
\n\u201cI\u2019m on top of the world.\u201d
\n\u201cIt doesn\u2019t get any better.\u201d
\nThose who use positive words like these have a bounce in their step and you feel a little better just by being around them. Be honest. How did you feel as you read the positive list? I don\u2019t know about you, but I\u2019m energized and
\nexcited as I review that list. These are the people I look for-<\/p>\n
ward to meeting today. These
\nare the people who are more\tA smile is an inexpenlikely to get my business. \tsive way to improve Why not go back and re-read\tyour looks. the \tnegative \tlist \tand \tthe
\nmediocre list. Say them out\t\u2014 Unknown
\nloud. How do they make you feel? Bummed out, for sure!
\nYou see, if given the choice, I\u2019d rather be around people who are positive and full of life… as opposed to those who are negative and listless. It\u2019s like the old saying that everybody lights up a room \u2014 some when they walk into the room… and some when they walk out! You want to be the one who lights up a room when you walk in!
\nAs for me, when someone asks me How are you? I usually respond with Terrific! It projects a positive attitude to the other person and the more I say it, the more I feel terrific!
\nJoin The Positive Group
\nWell, you\u2019ve had a chance to review some typical responses in each category \u2014 negative, mediocre and positive. Which of these phrases do you use most often? Which responses do your friends and family use?
\nIf you find yourself in the negative or mediocre group, I suggest you immediately consider revising your response and joining the ranks of the positive. Here\u2019s why. When you\u2019re asked How are you? and you say Horrible or Not too bad, your physiology is adversely affected. You tend to slump your shoulders and head and take on a depressed posture.
\nWhat about your emotions? After stating that you\u2019re lousy, do you feel better? Of course not. You feel even more down in the dumps because negative words and thoughts generate negative feelings, and eventually, negative results.
\nAnd it\u2019s up to you to break it. Even if real circumstances in your life persuaded you to state that you\u2019re lousy \u2014 perhaps a promising business deal fell through, or your child received poor grades in school \u2014 your gloomy attitude does nothing to improve the situation. To make matters worse, your mediocre or negative reply turns others off; they\u2019re dragged down just being around you and hearing your pessimism.
\nForm A New Habit
\nIf all of these negative consequences flow from your words, why do you continue to say them? More than likely, it\u2019s because you haven\u2019t recognized that you have a choice in the matter. Instead, you\u2019re following a habit that you developed many years ago… a habit that no longer serves you.
\nIn the end, your own words are a self-fulfilling prophesy \u2014 if you say Everything is terrible, your mind is attracted to those people and circumstances that will cause that statement to be true. If, on the other hand, you repeatedly state that your life is Wonderful! your mind will begin to move you in a positive direction.
\nFor instance, just consider what happens when you respond that you\u2019re Excellent! or Terrific! As you say these words, your physiology begins to correspond with your optimistic language. Your pos-
\nture is more upright. Other peo- Say you are well, ple are attracted to your energy or all is well with you, and vitality. Your business and and God shall hear
\npersonal relationships improve.
\nWill all of your life\u2019s problems your words and make magically disappear? No, but them come true.
\nyou\u2019ve set in motion a very \u2014 Ella Wheeler Wilcox important principle: We get what<\/p>\n
we expect in life.
\nI can tell you from firsthand experience that this is one of those little things in life that makes a big difference. About 15 years ago, when someone asked me How are you? I\u2019d say something like Okay with very little energy. You know what I was doing? I was programming myself to have \u201cokay\u201d relationships with people. I was programming myself to have \u201cokay\u201d success. I was programming myself to have an \u201cokay\u201d attitude… and an \u201cokay\u201d life.
\nBut then, thank goodness, I learned that I didn\u2019t have to settle for an \u201cokay\u201d life! So I picked up my response a few notches and began to say Terrific! I said it with some energy. Sure, at first it was a little uncomfortable. Some people looked at me like I was a little strange. But after about a week, it started to come naturally to me. And I was amazed at how much better I felt, and how people were much more interested in talking with me.
\nBelieve me, this is not rocket science. You don\u2019t need tal-
\nent, money or good looks to have a great attitude You just need to get in the habit of using a high-energy, positive response, and you\u2019ll get the same exciting results I got!
\nWhat If I Don\u2019t Feel Terrific?
\nWhenever I do a presentation and recommend to the audience that they give a very upbeat response to How are you? someone always comes up to me afterward and says,
\n\u201cWhat if I really don\u2019t feel terrific? I don\u2019t want to lie to my friends and co-workers by telling them everything is wonderful when it isn\u2019t.\u201d
\nNow don\u2019t get me wrong. I put the highest value on integrity… and telling the truth. Yet, I don\u2019t think this is a matter of telling the truth. Let me explain.
\nAssume for a moment that Sally feels tired. When someone at work asks her How are you? she wants to be perfectly honest so she says, I\u2019m tired. Here\u2019s what will happen. Sally will reinforce the belief that she\u2019s tired. She\u2019ll feel even more fatigued. She\u2019ll probably slump her shoulders and let out a sigh. She\u2019ll have a lousy, unproductive day at work.
\nAnd let\u2019s get back to the person who asked Sally the<\/p>\n
question \u2014 and who probably
\nA cloudy day is no match for a sunny disposition.
\n\u2014 William Arthur Ward\tregrets it now! That person also feels worse. After all, when someone tells you how tired she is, do you feel uplifted? No way.
\nJust the suggestion of the word
\n\u201ctired\u201d and you start yawning. So, Sally has brought herself down, as well as her co-worker.
\nOkay, Sally goes home after her grueling day, and now she\u2019s exhausted. So she plops into her favorite chair and opens the newspaper to look at the winning lottery numbers. As she pulls her own ticket out of her wallet, she discovers that she\u2019s holding the winning ticket. She just won $10 million!
\nWhat do you think Sally would do? Remember, she\u2019s
\nvery tired.
\nYou and I both know that Sally would leap out of her chair, be jumping up and down, screaming and waving her arms in the air. You\u2019d think she was leading an aerobics class. Naturally, she\u2019d run to pick up the phone to call her family and friends. She\u2019d be a bundle of energy and would probably stay up all night celebrating… and planning what to do with the money!
\nBut wait a second. Ten seconds ago, this woman was exhausted. Now, she\u2019s got the energy of a 15-year-old cheerleader who has just been told she made the cheerleading squad. What happened in those 10 seconds to change someone from being utterly exhausted… to wildly exuberant? Did she get a shot of vitamin B-12? Did anyone throw a bucket of ice water in her face?
\nNo. Her transformation was entirely mental!
\nNow I\u2019m not trying to diminish what Sally was feeling. Her fatigue was very real, but it wasn\u2019t as much physical as mental. So, was Sally telling the truth when she said she was tired? It really has very little to do with the truth. It\u2019s a matter of what Sally chose to focus on. She could concentrate on feeling tired. That was one option. On the other hand, she could have thought about the many blessings in her life and felt very fortunate and energized.
\nHow we feel is very often a subjective matter. When we tell ourselves that we\u2019re tired, we feel tired. When we tell ourselves that we feel terrific, we feel energized. As you\u2019ll recall from Lesson 2, we become what we think about.
\nRespond With Enthusiasm
\nFor the next month, try this experiment. When anyone asks How are you? \u2014 whether it\u2019s someone at work or a cashier at the store \u2014 respond with energy and enthusiasm that you\u2019re Great! or Terrific! Say it with a smile and a sparkle in your eye. It doesn\u2019t matter whether or not you completely and totally feel terrific at that moment. Simply apply the actas-if principle. In other words, if you want to be more positive, act-as-if you already are and, pretty soon, you\u2019ll find that you have, in fact, become more positive!
\nDon\u2019t worry if you feel a little uncomfortable saying these words at the beginning. Stick with it and eventually you\u2019ll grow into it. You\u2019ll quickly notice that you feel better… that others want to be around you… and that positive results will come your way.
\nBy the way, How are you?
\nI can almost hear you say T-E-R-R-I-F-I-C!<\/p>\n
LESSON 8
\nStop Complaining!
\nTroubles, like babies, grow larger by nursing.
\n\u2014 Lady Holland
\nH ow do you feel when someone unloads all of his problems and complaints on you? Not very uplifting and energizing, is it? The truth is, nobody likes to be around a complainer \u2014 except, perhaps, other complainers.
\nOf course, all of us complain at one time or another. The important question is: How often do you complain? If you\u2019re wondering whether you complain too much, simply ask your friends, relatives or co-workers. They\u2019ll let you know.
\nNow, when I say \u201ccomplain,\u201d I\u2019m not talking about those instances when you discuss your problems in an attempt to search for solutions. That\u2019s constructive and commendable. And I\u2019m not referring to those occasions when you share your life experiences (including disappointments) with friends or relatives in the context of bringing them up to date on the latest developments in your life. After all, part of being human is sharing our experiences and supporting each other.
\nNobody Wants To Hear About Your Aches
\nAnd Pains
\nMaybe a few examples will give you a better idea about the kind of complaining that\u2019s counterproductive. One of the most common areas of complaint is the subject of illness. In this category are comments such as \u201cMy back is killing me\u201d or \u201cI have a terrible sinus headache.\u201d Worse yet, some people get very graphic in explaining the gory details of their particular ailment (such as \u201cI had this green stuff oozing out of my…\u201d) And doesn\u2019t it just make your day when your co-worker tells you that he or she is nauseous?
\nLet\u2019s face it. What can I possibly do for you if you have a stomach ache? I\u2019m not a physician \u2014 go to a doctor if you have a medical problem. More importantly, why are you telling me this? You might want
\nSelf-pity is an acid which eats holes in happiness.
\n\u2014 Earl Nightingale\tsympathy, but all you\u2019re doing is dragging me down and reinforcing your own suffering. Talking about pain and discomfort will only bring you more of the same
\n\u2014 and encourage those around you to look for the exits.
\nWhen it comes to complaints about illness, the principle of escalation usually rears its ugly head. Here\u2019s how it works. You tell your friend about the agony you went through with the flu. Your friend interrupts and says, \u201cYou think you had it bad. When I had the flu, I had a 104 degree fever and had to be rushed to the hospital. I almost died.\u201d Or, tell someone that your back or foot hurts \u2014 and count how many seconds it takes for that person to switch the conversation to his or her own back pain and aching feet. Complainers love to play this game \u2014 their pain is always worse than yours.
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t77
\nDon\u2019t Let It Rain On Your Parade
\nAnother favorite complaint area is the weather. It starts to rain and people say, \u201cWhat a lousy, miserable day.\u201d Why does some moisture from the heavens make it a lousy day? When someone makes that remark to me, I respond, \u201cIt\u2019s wet out \u2014 but it\u2019s a great day!\u201d By associating rain with \u201clousy day,\u201d you\u2019re programming yourself in a negative way. Furthermore, your complaints about the weather won\u2019t change the conditions. It simply makes no sense to get upset about things over which you have no control \u2014 and which have no significant impact on your life.
\nFinally, there are the petty complaints, such as \u201cThe waiter didn\u2019t come over to take my order for five minutes\u201d or \u201cJohn got an office with a larger window than I have.\u201d Life presents too many difficult challenges for us to get bogged down with silly things like that. And when you gripe about insignificant things, you\u2019re also saying something about yourself. If I\u2019m your employer or a member of your team, I\u2019m wondering how you\u2019ll react when we really have a problem worth worrying about!
\nHe Had Every Reason To Complain
\nRecently, I was in my office and thinking about some of the things that weren\u2019t going as well as I had planned. You know, the typical business problems \u2014 results not happening as fast as I had expected. And I\u2019ll confess that I\u2019d been doing a little complaining about it.
\nThen Pedro walked in. Pedro is in his early 20s and came to this country about six years ago from Honduras. He works for a company that cleans homes and offices. You talk about a positive attitude! Pedro is one of the most positive people I\u2019ve ever met \u2014 always smiling and upbeat.
\nOn this day, however, I asked Pedro about Hurricane Mitch and its impact on his homeland. The smile quickly left his face. He told me of the devastation the hurricane had caused. Thousands of people had died. More than a million people were left homeless.
\nPedro said that his father, mother and brother still lived in Honduras, and he had no idea if they were dead or alive. He had no way to contact them \u2014 all the phone lines in that area had been destroyed. Pedro said he thought about his family every day.
\nCan you imagine the agony of not even knowing if your family is still alive?
\nThe secret of happiness is to count your blessings while others are adding up their troubles.\the was doing whatever he could do to ease their pain.
\nAfter speaking with Pedro, I began to realize just how inconsequential my own problems were… and how fortunate I am!
\nThen Pedro went on to tell me about all the things he was doing to help the people in Honduras. He was collecting money, clothing and other necessities. He was actively working with the relief organizations. Instead of just griping about the problem, \u2014 William Penn You better believe I stopped complaining. I faced the rest of
\nthe day with renewed energy and a much better attitude.
\nBy the way, several weeks later I saw Pedro again. And yes, he had his usual winning smile and his great attitude. The good news is that his family members are all alive. The bad news is that they lost everything in the flood and are now living in a shelter. Clean water is very scarce. Disease is rampant. I can\u2019t even fathom what it\u2019s like to lose everything you own and have to start over from scratch, especially under these difficult conditions. Can you?
\nThere\u2019s no doubt about it. Pedro has every reason to whine about his family\u2019s bad luck. But he doesn\u2019t. He realizes that complaining would be a terrible waste of his time and energy. Thank you, Pedro for reminding all of us that complaining is not the answer to our challenges in life.
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING 79
\nPutting Things In Perspective
\nThere\u2019s another valuable lesson that we can learn from Pedro \u2014 and that\u2019s the impor-
\ntance of keeping things in per- Reflect upon your spective. Over the years, I\u2019ve present blessings, of noticed that complainers lack which every man has
\nperspective \u2014 they tend to
\nblow their problems way out of\tplenty; not on your
\nproportion.\tpast misfortunes, of
\nOptimistic people… people\twhich all men have
\nwith great attitudes… tend to have a sense of what\u2019s truly\tsome.
\nimportant in life.\t\u2014 Charles Dickens
\nThe dictionary defines per- spective as \u201cthe capacity to
\nview things in their true relation or relative importance.\u201d Think about the people you know. Do you have any friends who get bent out of shape because they got a flat tire? And how about those who sever ties with close family members because of a dispute over the seating arrangements at a wedding? It\u2019s clear these folks have lost sight of the \u201crelative importance\u201d of things!
\nI think we can all learn from Eddie Rickenbacker, who drifted in a life raft for 21 days, hopelessly lost in the Pacific. After surviving the ordeal, Rickenbacker said, \u201cIf you have all the fresh water you want to drink and all the food you want to eat, you ought never complain about anything.\u201d
\nLet me share with you some of the things I\u2019m grateful for:
\n1.\tI\u2019m in good health.
\n2.\tDolores is in good health.
\n3.\tWe have our own home.
\n4.\tWe have plenty of food to eat and clean water todrink.
\n5.\tWe live in the United States and enjoy freedom.
\n6.\tI love my work.
\n7.\tI get to travel and meet fascinating people.
\n8.\tI have many loyal friends.
\n9.\tI draw strength from my relationship with God.
\nThis is just a partial list of the blessings in my life. And you know what? Even with all of these wonderful things, there are times when I start to take some of them for granted! But I\u2019ve learned to quickly re-connect with these blessings… and it boosts my attitude and brings me right back on course.
\nSo, what is it that you\u2019ve been complaining about lately? Are they really \u201clife and death\u201d matters? The next time you\u2019re tempted to gripe about your problems, pick up a pen and piece of paper and start listing all the reasons you have to be grateful!
\nLet me tell you, it sure beats complaining!
\nBe A Source Of Positive News
\nI\u2019m not suggesting that you just sit back and ignore all of the problems in your life. However, rather than complain ing, it\u2019s far better to focus your
\nIf you re all wrapped up in yourself, you re overdressed.
\n\u2014 Kate Halverson\tattention and your energy on those steps you can take to solve, or at least lessen, your problem. For instance, let\u2019s say you\u2019re feel-
\ning a little tired lately. Instead of telling everyone how lousy you feel, make an effort to exercise
\nmore regularly or get to bed a little earlier.
\nTo review: Complaints work against you in three ways. First, no one wants to hear negative news about your illness and your problems. Second, complaining reinforces your own pain and discomfort. So why keep replaying painful, negative memories? Third, complaining, by itself, accomplishes nothing and diverts you from the constructive actions you could be taking to improve your situation.
\nIt\u2019s been said that 90 percent of the people don\u2019t care about your problems… and the other 10 percent are glad
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t81
\nyou have them! Seriously though, all of us can cut down on our complaining. From now on, let\u2019s do ourselves and others a favor and make our conversations uplifting.
\nThe people who don\u2019t complain very much (and those who speak positively) are a joy to be around. Decide to join that group \u2014 so people won\u2019t have to cross the street when they see you coming!<\/p>\n
PART 3
\nHeaven Helps Those Who Act
\nNothing happens by itself. It all will come your way once you understand that you have to make it come your way, by your own exertions.
\n\u2014 Ben Stein<\/p>\n
LESSON 9
\nAssociate with Positive People
\nA mirror reflects a man\u2019s face, but what he is really like is shown by the kind of friends he chooses.
\n\u2014The Living Bible, Proverbs 27
\nIn high school, Mike spent a lot of time with a bunch of guys in his neighborhood. According to Mike, these guys just liked to sit on the front porch and watch cars go by. They had no goals and no dreams. They were always negative.
\nWhenever Mike suggested they do something new, the others would discourage him. \u201cIt\u2019s stupid\u201d or \u201cnot cool,\u201d they told him. Mike just went along with them, so he could remain part of the group.
\nWhen Mike went off to college, he still ran into some negative people. But he also met people who were positive… who wanted to learn… who wanted to achieve things. Mike decided to spend his time with the positive people. Almost immediately, Mike started to feel much better about himself. He developed a great attitude. He began to set goals.
\nAnd I\u2019m happy to tell you Mike now runs his own successful video production company and has a wonderful family. One by one, he is accomplishing all of the goals he has set. When I asked Mike what happened to his high school friends, he told me, \u201cThey still live in the same neighborhood. They\u2019re still negative. And they\u2019re still doing nothing with their lives!\u201d
\nMike added, \u201cI\u2019d never be where I am now if I kept hanging out with those guys. I\u2019d still be at the corner deli playing pinball.\u201d
\nMike\u2019s story is a great reminder about the influence others have on our lives. And yet sometimes we get in the habit of being with certain people \u2014 and we just don\u2019t think about the consequences.
\nHave you ever heard the axiom \u201cTell me who you hang out with and I\u2019ll tell you who you are\u201d? There\u2019s a lot of wisdom in that simple statement. Have you given much thought to how this principle has been molding and shaping your life?
\nThink back to when you were growing up. Do you remember how concerned our parents were about who we hung out with? Our mom or dad wanted to meet our friends and know all kinds of details about them. Why? Our parents knew that we\u2019d be greatly influenced by our friends… that we\u2019d tend to pick up some of their habits… and that we\u2019d probably do the things our friends were doing. Our parents were concerned for good reason. And I\u2019ll bet that if you have children, you closely watch their friends \u2014 because of the impact these youngsters will have on your children.
\nToxic People And Nourishing People
\nIn today\u2019s literature, we see the terms toxic people and nourishing people. As you might expect, toxic people are the ones who always dwell on the negative. The dictionary defines toxic as \u201cpoisonous\u201d; toxic people continually spew their verbal poison. In contrast, the dictionary definition of
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t85
\nnourishing is \u201cto promote the growth of.\u201d Nourishing people are positive and supportive. They lift your spirits and are a joy to be around.
\nToxic people will always try to drag you down to their level. They hammer away at you with all of the things you can\u2019t do and all of the things that are impossible. They barrage you with gloomy statements about the lousy economy, the problems in their life, the problems soon to be in your life and the terrible prospects for
\nthe future. If you\u2019re lucky, they We become part of might even throw in a few words what we are about their aches and pains. around.
\nAfter listening to toxic people,
\n\u2014 Unknown you feel listless and drained.
\nMotivational speaker Les Brown refers to these people as \u201cDream Killers.\u201d Psychologist Jack Canfield describes them as \u201cenergy vampires\u201d because they suck all the positive energy out of you. Have you ever been with a negative person \u2014 and felt as if that individual were physically taking energy from you? I think we\u2019ve all had that experience many times. One thing is certain: Spend time with toxic people and their negative messages will wear you down.
\nOn the other hand, how do you feel when you\u2019re around people who are positive, enthusiastic and supportive? You\u2019re energized and inspired. There\u2019s something truly amazing about positive people. They seem to have a positive energy that lights up a room. When you\u2019re around them, you start to pick up their attitude and you feel as if you have added strength to vigorously pursue your own goals.
\nWhen I think about positive people, my friend John Lisicich immediately comes to mind. Whenever I speak with John, I feel like I can conquer the world. John is simply the most positive person you could ever meet.
\nI like to think of myself as a very positive person. On a scale of 1-10, with 10 being the most positive, I\u2019d probably give myself a 9.5. I\u2019d have to give John Lisicich a 14! He\u2019s just off the charts. He\u2019s always positive, always enthusiastic. And he gives a tremendous lift to everyone who crosses his path. His attitude inspires people to greatness!
\nCan you see how your attitude might improve if you had a friend like John in your life?
\nThose Silly Songs On The Radio
\nI\u2019m sure it has happened to you many times. You hear a song on the radio, and you say to yourself, \u201cWhat a ridiculous song.\u201d Later that day, you hear the same song again. The following day, you hear that song a few more times. As the song climbs the charts, you can\u2019t get away from it. You hear it several times each day for a week.
\nThen something incredible happens. You\u2019re sitting at home and all of a sudden, you start to hum or sing that silly song! If, at that very moment, I were to ask you what you think of the song, you\u2019d tell me, \u201cIt\u2019s horrible.\u201d Then why on earth are you singing it? The reality is, whatever you hear over and over will be at the forefront of your consciousness.
\nAs you also know, once that song becomes less popular… and isn\u2019t played as frequently on the radio… you\u2019ll tend to think about it (and sing it to yourself!) much less<\/p>\n
often. There\u2019s an important les-
\nYour friends will stretch your vision… or choke your dreams.
\n\u2014 Unknown\tson here. The mind tends to dwell upon whatever is repeated over and over. Unfortunately, the mind doesn\u2019t discriminate
\nbetween messages that are good for us and those that are harmful. If we hear something often enough, we will tend to believe it… and act upon it. Just as a song repeated many times will get us thinking about that song, so too will repeated thoughts about success get us thinking about success!
\nSo if we\u2019ll make sure to fill our mind with positive messages, we\u2019re going to be more positive and move forward boldly to achieve our goals. The more positive reinforce-
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING 87
\nment the better. And where can we get this positive reinforcement? Well, one way is to read motivational books. Congratulations… because you\u2019re doing that right now! In addition, we can listen to motivational tapes \u2014 and spend lots of time with positive people.
\nSmokey\u2019s Sponge Theory
\nI\u2019ve learned a lot about attitude and the importance of surrounding myself with positive people from my friend Glen \u201cSmokey\u201d Stover. Smokey worked in sales for 45 years in the cemetery and funeral home industry. While this may sound like a gloomy field, let me assure you that Smokey is a positive dynamo! Every time I get off the phone with Smokey, I feel terrific.
\nSmokey explained to me that human beings are like sponges: We \u201csoak up\u201d whatever people around us are saying. So, if we spend time with someone who\u2019s negative, we sponge up the negatives and it affects our attitude. Of course, the reverse is also true. When we hang around positive people we soak up the positive. We feel better… and perform better.
\nI once asked Smokey, \u201cWhat do you do if you\u2019re speaking with a negative person?\u201d
\nHe said, \u201cI get away from that person as soon as I can. I\u2019ll say something like, \u2018Gosh, it\u2019s been good to see you,
\nCharlie,\u2019 and I move on to another person.\u201d
\nThen I asked Smokey, \u201cDid you ever have a friend who was negative?\u201d
\n\u201cNot for very long,\u201d he said. Well put, Smokey!
\nEvaluate Your Friendships
\nIt\u2019s crucial that you evaluate your friendships from time to time \u2014 even those you\u2019ve maintained for many years. Trust me, this isn\u2019t a minor issue. Those who occupy your time have a significant impact on your most priceless possession \u2014 your mind!
\nAre you surrounding yourself with negative friends and spending a lot of time with them in your leisure hours? If so, I\u2019m going to ask you to think about spending much less time with these people \u2014 or even no time at all with them.
\nAre the things around you helping you toward success or are they holding you back?
\n\u2014 W. Clement Stone\taudience member will typically say, \u201cShouldn\u2019t we try to help our negative friends instead of dumping them?\u201d
\nWell, you\u2019re free to do whatever you think is best, and each situation must be dealt with on
\nSounds harsh, doesn\u2019t it? After all, I\u2019m suggesting that you limit \u2014 or eliminate \u2014 your involvement with some long-standing friends. When I tell people this at my seminars, invariably someone will raise a hand and accuse me of being cold or uncaring. The its own unique facts. However, I\u2019ve found that in most cases, hanging around these negative friends doesn\u2019t help them \u2014 and it doesn\u2019t help you, either! Everyone gets dragged down because most negative people don\u2019t want to change. They just want someone to listen to their tales of woe.
\nIf you have a strong urge to spend time with negative friends, ask yourself: \u201cWhy am I choosing to be with these people?\u201d Consciously or unconsciously, you may be choosing to hold yourself back \u2014 to be less than you are capable of becoming.
\nBy the way, I think it\u2019s wonderful to try to help someone overcome their negativity. But if you\u2019ve been trying for several years… and aren\u2019t getting anywhere… maybe it\u2019s time to move on!
\nLet me clarify one important point. I\u2019m not making a judgment here that negative people are any less worthy than other people. I\u2019m saying there are consequences if you spend time with people who are negative. What are the consequences? You\u2019ll be less happy and less successful than you could be.
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING 89
\nToxic Relatives
\nWhat do you do if you happen to have toxic relatives? Obviously, this is a touchy issue. What I\u2019m going to suggest is that you don\u2019t turn your back on your family members. Family ties are precious, and I think we must make every effort to maintain harmonious family relationships.
\nEven so, I recommend that you put some controls in place that reduce the impact your toxic relatives have on your life. You\u2019re not abandoning them or refusing to speak with them, but you areputting some limits on your involvement with them.
\nFor example, if you have negative relatives, I suggest that you don\u2019t go out of your way to call them on the phone several times each day if you know they\u2019re going to put you down or criticize your every move. What good can possibly come from that? We get bombarded with enough negativity as it is \u2014 just turn on the radio or TV or read a newspaper. Do we need our relatives to provide even more negative news? I don\u2019t think so!
\nAnd here\u2019s another suggestion that will work equally well whether you\u2019re talking with a friend or a relative. When the discussion moves to a negative subject, resist the temptation to accuse the other person of being negative. That will usually makes things even worse. Instead, gently shift the conversation to a more positive topic.
\nRemember that I\u2019m not asking you to disown your relatives or refuse to attend family functions. This is about limiting your contacts with negative relatives so you don\u2019t get dragged down to their level!
\nPositive People In The Workplace
\nJust about every organization has some negative people working there. And sometimes you have to interact and work alongside these people. But don\u2019t go out of your way to spend time with these prophets of gloom and doom.
\nFor instance, if you frequently have lunch with negative people at work, stop having lunch with them! All they\u2019re doing is filling your mind with negativity. You can\u2019t perform at your best if you allow these people to dump their
\nnegative garbage into your
\nGood friends are good for your health.
\n\u2014 Dr. Irwin Sarason\tmind. There\u2019s no need to be nasty or to tell them off. You should be able to find a diplomatic way of distancing yourself
\nfrom this \u201cpoisonous\u201d group.
\nInstead, take charge. Be proactive. Make it a point to eat at your desk… to take a client out to lunch… or to sit at a different table in the cafeteria. Do whatever you have to do to make lunch a positive experience.
\nMake no mistake about it. Positive people are welcomed in any organization… and negative people are hurting their chances for advancement. The problem of negative workers has gotten so bad that I recently got a brochure in the mail announcing a full-day seminar entitled \u201cHow To
\nLegally Fire Employees With Attitude Problems!\u201d
\nThe business community is waking up to the fact that when it comes to productivity in the workplace, attitude is everything!
\nChoose Your Friends Wisely
\nAs I said at the beginning of this lesson, \u201cTell me who you hang out with and I\u2019ll tell you who you are.\u201d If you\u2019re serious about getting a raise or a promotion at work… succeeding in your own business… or improving yourself as a human being, then you have to start associating with people who can take you to the next level.
\nAs you increase your associations with nourishing people, you\u2019ll feel better about yourself and have renewed energy to achieve your goals. You\u2019ll become a more positive, upbeat person \u2014 the kind of person others love to be around. I used to think it was important to associate with positive people and to limit involvement with negative people. Now, I believe it\u2019s essential if you want to be a high achiever and a happy individual.
\nSo, surround yourself with positive, nourishing people \u2014 they\u2019ll lift you up the ladder of success.<\/p>\n
LESSON 10
\nConfront Your Fears and Grow
\nDo the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.
\n\u2014Ralph Waldo Emerson
\nAs I sat in the audience listening to motivational speake\tr Gil Eagles, little did I know that one sentence was about to change my life.
\nGil Eagles gave a marvelous presentation that day. He had many valuable things to say. But there was one line \u2014 one absolute gem \u2014 that stands out. Here\u2019s what he said:
\n\u201cIf you want to be successful, you must be willing to be uncomfortable.\u201d
\nI\u2019ll never forget those words. And Gil was right on the money. To achieve your goals and realize your potential, you must be willing to be uncomfortable \u2014 to do things that you\u2019re afraid to do. That\u2019s how you develop your potential!
\nSounds so simple, doesn\u2019t it? And yet, what do most people do when they face a frightening situation or new activity? They back away from the fear. They don\u2019t take action. I know… because that\u2019s what I did for the first 30 years of my life. And I can tell you without hesitation that it\u2019s a losing strategy.
\nShow me a successful person and I\u2019ll show you someone who confronts his or her fears and takes action!
\nExamining Our Fears
\nHave you ever been afraid or anxious before trying a new or challenging activity? Has that fear ever stopped you from taking action? I\u2019m sure you\u2019ve been paralyzed by fear at one time or another in your life. I know I have. That\u2019s simply part of being human.
\nOf course, every person has a different fear threshold. What frightens one person to death might have little impact on someone else. For example, to some, speaking in public or starting a new business
\nNothing in life is to be feared. It is only to be understood.
\n\u2014 Marie Curie\tis scary. Others might be fearful about asking someone for directions… or for a date. Regardless of how trivial or silly you believe
\nyour fears may be, this lesson applies to you.
\nWhen I talk about fear, I\u2019m not
\nreferring to physical risks that might injure you or endanger your health, such as diving off cliffs in Acapulco or bungee jumping. I\u2019m scared of those things, too \u2014 and I have no plans to do either of them. What I\u2019m talking about here are those challenges that stand in the way of your personal and professional growth. These are the things that scare you \u2014 but which you know are necessary if you\u2019re going to get what you want in life.
\nThe Comfort Zone
\nWhen you\u2019re gripped by fear and anxiety, it\u2019s usually because you\u2019re stepping out of your comfort zone. Let\u2019s take some time to discuss this important concept \u2014 and how it<\/p>\n
relates to your success and the development of your potential.
\nEach of us has a comfort zone, a zone of behavior that is familiar to us and where we feel comfortable and safe. Think of your comfort zone as the inside of a circle.
\nX (terrified)
\nX (slightly afraid)
\nComfort
\nZone
\nThe activities and situations that lie inside the circle are non-threatening and familiar. They\u2019re routine, part of your everyday life \u2014 the things you can do with no sweat. In this category are tasks such as speaking to your friends or co-workers or filling out the daily paperwork at your job.
\nHowever, you occasionally face experiences or challenges that are outside your comfort zone. These are represented by the \u201cXs\u201d in the diagram above. The farther the \u201cX\u201d is from the circle, the more afraid you are to participate in that activity.
\nWhen faced with something outside your comfort zone, you suddenly feel nervous. Your palms become sweaty
\nand your heart pounds. You begin to wonder, \u201cWill I be able to handle it?
\n\u201cWill others laugh at me?
\n\u201cWhat will my friends and relatives say?\u201d
\nAs you look at the diagram above, what does the \u201cX\u201d represent for you? In other words, what fear is holding you back from reaching the next level of success or fulfillment in your life?
\nIs it fear of approaching new prospects?
\nIs it fear about changing careers?
\nIs it fear about learning new skills?
\nIs it fear of going back to school?
\nIs it fear of telling other people what\u2019s on your mind?
\nIs it fear of public speaking?
\nWhatever that \u201cX\u201d represents for you, just be honest and admit it. My guess is that thousands, if not millions, of people have the very same fear you have! In fact, let\u2019s take a closer look at what most people are afraid of.
\nThe Most Common Fears
\nDuring many of my presentations, I distribute index cards to the audience members and ask them to write down, anonymously, the fears that are standing in the way of their professional and personal growth. Then, I collect the cards and read them aloud.
\nWhat do you think people write on those index cards? In most audiences, regardless of profession or geographical location, the same answers come up again and again. Here are some of the most common fears they identify:
\n1.\tPublic Speaking or Giving Presentations. In virtually every group, this is the #1 fear. The vast majority of people are terrified about speaking in front of a group of people.
\n2.\tHearing the word \u201cNO\u201d or having their ideas rejected. This response is very common among salespeople, especially those who make cold calls.
\n3.\tChanging Jobs or Starting Their Own Business. Over the years, I\u2019ve noticed that more and more people are listing this fear. We have a lot of unhappy workers in corporate America today, and they yearn for a more satisfying work environment… but they\u2019re afraid to do anything about it!
\n4.\tTelling Managers or Executives \u201cNegative News\u201d (what the managers or executives don\u2019t want to hear). This one is self-explanatory.
\n5.\tTalking to People in Upper Management. Many entrylevel workers and even managers are terrified about speaking to executives in the company. They even hesitate to make \u201csmall talk\u201d with the president or CEO of their organization \u2014 for fear they\u2019ll say something silly or appear stupid.
\n6.\tFear of Failure. Those who won\u2019t try something new for fear that it won\u2019t work out. (We\u2019ll tackle this issue in more depth in Lesson 11.)
\nWell, are you surprised by any of the fears on this list? Do you have any of them now \u2014 or have you had them in the past? The truth is, the overwhelming majority of people experience these fears at some point in their lives.
\nAnd if you have some fears that weren\u2019t on this list, don\u2019t worry about it. You are stronger than any of your fears… and you can overcome them!
\nThe \u201cBenefit\u201d Of Backing Away From Your
\nFears
\nWhen confronted with an anxiety-producing event, most people will retreat to avoid the fear and anxiety. That\u2019s what I used to do. You see, backing away does relieve the fear and anxiety that would have resulted if you followed through with the activity. For instance, if someone asks you to make a presentation within your company, and you decline, you save yourself the sleepless nights you\u2019d have worrying about it… and the nervousness you\u2019d experience in the days leading up to the presentation.
\nIn fact, I\u2019ve found that\u2019s the one and only benefit you get by retreating \u2014 a momentary avoidance of anxiety.
\nThink about it for a moment. Can you list any other benefits that people get when they refuse to confront their fears? I\u2019ve asked that question of thousands of people, and nobody has been able to come up with any additional benefits. For good reason \u2014 there are none!
\nThe Price You Pay
\nNow, I want you to seriously consider the price you pay when you back away from those fears that are standing in the way of your growth. Here\u2019s what happens:<\/p>\n
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
\nYour self-esteem is lowered.
\nYou feel powerless and frustrated.
\nYou sabotage your success.
\nYou lead an uneventful, boring life.
\nIs this a price worth paying for the short-term avoidance of fear and anxiety? Most of us are indeed willing to pay this dear price, simply to avoid temporary discomfort and possible ridicule from others.
\nTrust me folks, this is insane! In the long run, retreating is not the best way to handle your problem. You\u2019ll never be highly successful or develop your talents to the fullest unless you\u2019re willing to confront your fears.
\nMy High School Strategy
\nWhen I was in high school, I was pretty shy and didn\u2019t feel very good about myself. But I was never rejected when it came to asking someone for a date. If you were looking at me now, you\u2019d probably be thinking, \u201cHe\u2019s not bad looking, but he\u2019s certainly no Tom Cruise.\u201d
\nMy strategy was really quite simple. I never asked anyone out on a date. You see, I wasn\u2019t
\nHe who loses wealth loses much; he who loses a friend loses more; but he who loses courage loses all.
\n\u2014 Miguel de Cervantes\tgoing to let anyone reject me. And what did I accomplish? I felt horrible about myself. I knew that I had \u201cwimped out.\u201d I felt powerless, and as you can imagine, I didn\u2019t have a full social calendar. I was sabotaging my success!<\/p>\n
Because I refused to face my
\nfear, I remained in the background while most of my friends and classmates went out on dates. How do you think that made me feel? Pretty lousy, just as you\u2019d expect. In case you\u2019re wondering, I did have a few dates during that period of my life, but only when other people arranged them. I wasn\u2019t going to allow anyone to say \u201cNO\u201d to me.
\nIn reality I was saying \u201cNO\u201d to myself.
\nCan you see how my strategy of backing away from my fears worked against me? Now it\u2019s true that if I had asked some people for a date in high school, a few of them might have said \u201cNO.\u201d But you know what? I wouldn\u2019t have died! I could have asked another person… and another… and eventually I would have gotten a \u201cYES.\u201d
\nIt wasn\u2019t until college that I began to take some \u201cbaby steps\u201d to confront this fear of rejection. Little by little, I gained more confidence. And in law school, I had the good fortune to meet Dolores, and we\u2019ve been married for 18 years!
\nA New Life
\nI\u2019m really no different from you. I have my fears, just as you do. And when I look back at the first 30 years of my life, you know what I see? I see someone who achieved some degree of success as an attorney. But I also see someone who was shy, insecure, scared and self-conscious. Does that sound to you like someone who\u2019s a motivational speaker?
\nWhat turned my life around… and improved it a million-fold… is that I learned to confront my fears and take action. I realized after years of frustration and disappointments that hiding from my fears wasn\u2019t getting me anywhere \u2014 and it would never get me anywhere.
\nOf course, I wouldn\u2019t have confronted my fears if I hadn\u2019t first developed a positive attitude. A \u201ccan-do\u201d attitude provided me with the extra push I needed to take action. When you believe you can do something, you have the courage to move forward despite being afraid.
\nArmed with a great attitude, I decided to become a participant in life and to explore my potential, even though I was scared. From the very beginning, I felt so much better about myself. I had taken control of my life, and all sorts of possibilities opened up for me.
\nAre you beginning to see the incredible rewards you can receive when you\u2019re willing to develop a positive attitude
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
\nand confront your fears?
\nReframe The Situation
\nIf I could give you a way to confront uncomfortable situations without fear or anxiety, you\u2019d be ecstatic and eternally grateful, wouldn\u2019t you? Sorry, but there\u2019s no such magical solution. I can\u2019t wave a magic wand and take away your fears.
\nHow then can you muster the courage to do those things that you fear, but which are necessary for your success and growth?
\nThe next time you face a scary situation, I suggest you take a different outlook. Most people start thinking, \u201cI won\u2019t be able to do this well and other people may laugh at me or reject me.\u201d They get hung up about how well they\u2019re going to perform. Because of these worries, they decide to retreat. While you should always go in with a positive attitude and prepare beforehand to the extent possible, don\u2019t be overly concerned with the result.
\nConsider yourself an immediate winner when you take the step and do the thing you fear. That\u2019s right. You\u2019re a winner just by entering the arena and participating, regardless of the result.
\nMoving Forward Even When You\u2019re Afraid
\nFor instance, let\u2019s assume you\u2019re afraid to speak in public, but you confront your fear and do it anyway. The moment you get up and speak before the audience, you\u2019re a winner. Your knees may be shaking and your voice may be quivering. That doesn\u2019t matter. You faced your fear and accepted the challenge. Congratulations are in order. The likely result is that your self-esteem will be enhanced and you\u2019ll feel exhilarated.
\nOn your first attempt, you won\u2019t be hailed as the world\u2019s finest speaker. So what? Let\u2019s face it. You can\u2019t expect to be an accomplished speaker during your first presentation. Were you a great tennis player after your first game? Or a great swimmer the first time you entered the water? Developing any skill takes time.
\nI remember my first motivational speech. That was in 1988… and my performance was nothing to write home about! I gave a free talk to a group of real estate salespeople, and let me tell you, I was terrified. I couldn\u2019t take my eyes off my notes. Fortunately, the content of my presentation was very solid and the audience responded well. But I had a long way to go before I could call myself a good speaker.
\nOn the second presentation, I was a little better. And when I had done five or so presentations, I began to rely less and less on my notes… and to develop a stronger connection with the audience. Now, 11 years later, I\u2019m a professional speaker who speaks to thousands of people each year throughout the United States.
\nBut let\u2019s not forget that it all started with a scared guy who gave a very unimpressive talk in 1988.
\nShe Followed Her Dream
\nI\u2019d like to tell you a story about a woman who knows a lot about breaking out of a comfort zone. Her name is Dottie Burman, and for 32 years Dottie
\nwas a high school English The only way to teacher in New York. Yet, since escape from the the age of 10, she wanted to go prison of fear
\ninto show business. She never gave it serious thought as a is action.
\ncareer and instead chose the\t\u2014 Joe Tye
\nsecurity of teaching, with its reg- ular paycheck and benefits.
\nWhile working as a teacher, Dottie began to write songs and perform them. It was just a hobby, but it kept her dream alive. Then, in the late 1980s, Dottie made a decision. She would retire from teaching and pursue a new career as a performer. In the summer of 1988, she submitted her resignation. Then the terror really hit her. She was so scared about venturing into the unknown that she with-
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING
\ndrew her resignation and went back to teaching.
\nBut something inside Dottie wouldn\u2019t let her dream die. Six months later, in January of 1989, she confronted her fear and retired. At the time, Dottie was in her 50s! In 1992, Dottie developed and performed her own one-woman musical show. The show was based on her fears of leaving a secure teaching job to go into show business!
\nAnd in the spring of 1998, Dottie, now in her 60s, released her marvelous CD, I\u2019m in Love With My Computer, a collection of witty, inspirational songs. She also performed these songs in a musical revue in a cabaret in New York City \u2014 and continues to present her programs of original songs and stories in theaters and cabarets… as well as for organizations throughout the country.
\nDottie will be the first to admit that her career transition has been filled with challenges and setbacks. But has it been worth it? According to Dottie, \u201cI\u2019ve never been happier in my life.\u201d
\nBravo, Dottie, for confronting your fears… and inspiring us to follow our dreams!
\nJust Do It
\nRunning away from
\nyour fears is a losing strategy.
\n\u2014 Jeff Keller\tRalph Waldo Emerson offered some simple advice, which, if followed, can transform your life. He said, \u201cDo the thing you fear and the death of fear is certain.\u201d
\nI know this advice makes good
\nsense, but some people are just too afraid to act. Remember my prior words about the steep price you pay when you let your fears dominate you.
\nIn the end, running away from your fears is a losing strategy. It will only bring you frustration and unhappiness. I can tell you that from personal experience.
\nThere\u2019s nothing wrong with having some fears. Successful people have fears. The difference is that successful people take action and move forward despite being afraid. It\u2019s not always easy, I\u2019ll grant that. But you\u2019ll always feel better about yourself when you face your fears.
\nIn the last 14 years, I\u2019ve had the privilege of traveling throughout the United States and abroad… and of speaking with thousands of people. During all this time, I haven\u2019t met one person who confronted his or her fears… took action… and later regretted it. Not a single one! But I\u2019ve met many people who tell me how much they regret backing away from their fears \u2014 and letting their dreams die.
\nAs my friend Burke Hedges often says, \u201cDon\u2019t be one of those who lets his regrets take the place of his dreams.\u201d
\nSo, stretch yourself. Confront your fears and be willing to expand your comfort zone. The courage muscle can be developed just like any other muscle \u2014 with exercise. And when you do an activity outside your comfort zone a few times, you know what happens? That same activity becomes part of your comfort zone!
\nThere\u2019s another bonus when you\u2019re willing to expand your comfort zone. When you push through fear and take action in some areas of your life, you\u2019ll develop confidence in other areas, as well. It\u2019s true! As I became more comfortable as a speaker, I also became a better salesman… a better businessman… a better listener… the list goes on and on.
\nYou can try to dance around it all you want. But you won\u2019t develop your abilities to the fullest unless you\u2019re willing to be uncomfortable. Life doesn\u2019t reward those who refuse to expose themselves to difficulties and challenges. It\u2019s important that you put yourself in a position to win \u2014 and that means taking action despite fear.
\nConfront your fears… and you\u2019re on the way to developing your potential and leading the exciting, fulfilling life you deserve. It\u2019s a decision you\u2019ll never regret!<\/p>\n
LESSON 11
\nGet Out There and Fail
\nFailure is only the opportunity to more intelligently begin again.
\n\u2014 Henry Ford
\nShe couldn\u2019t pay her credit card bills for 26 years.
\nShe moved 25 times looking for work.
\nShe was fired 18 times.
\nShe worked for 26 years before she earned an annual salary of $22,000.
\nShe occasionally lived on food stamps and slept in her car.
\nYou\u2019re probably thinking, \u201cIf this is a book about success, why are you droning on and on about a woman who had so many failures?\u201d
\nI\u2019ll tell you why. The \u201cfailure\u201d described above is wellknown TV talk show host Sally Jessy Raphael. You see, despite all of her setbacks, she refused to give up her childhood dream of a career in broadcasting.
\nShe was willing to keep failing… and keep failing… until she succeeded. Sally Jessy Raphael has earned millions of dollars and has enjoyed a long and successful TV career. All because she kept a great attitude despite years of failures.
\nIn The Beginning
\nHow is it that someone like Sally Jessy Raphael can endure 26 years of failure and keep going? If you look back to your own childhood, I think you\u2019ll see that you, too, demonstrated tremendous resilience in the face of repeated failures.
\nRemember when you learned how to ride a bicycle? You probably began with training wheels. Eventually, when these crutches were removed, keeping your balance became more difficult. You struggled to stay upright, maybe even falling a few times and scraping yourself. You were learning an important early lesson about failure.
\nAs you practiced, it\u2019s likely that one of your parents walked beside you shouting instructions, encouraging you and catching you as you lost balance. You were scared… but excited! You looked forward to the time when you would succeed, when you would at last ride free on your own. So you kept at it every day, and eventually mastered the skill of riding a bike.
\nWhat contributed to your ultimate success in learning how to ride your bike? Well, persistenceand sheer repetition, certainly. You were going to stick with it no matter how long it took! It also helped that you were enthusiastic about what you set out to achieve \u2014 that you could hardly wait to reach your goal. And finally, let\u2019s not underestimate the impact of positive encouragement. You always knew your parents were in your corner, supporting you, rooting for your success.
\nAs a six-year-old learning to ride your bike, you were optimistic… thrilled… and eager to meet the challenge. You couldn\u2019t wait to try again. You knew you\u2019d master it eventually.
\nBut that was a long time ago.
\nYesterday And Today
\nNow let\u2019s examine how most adults approach the development of new skills. Would you say they\u2019re optimistic… thrilled… and eager to meet the challenge? We both know the answer to that question is \u201cNO.\u201d
\nLet\u2019s assume we asked a group of adults to learn a new software program or to switch to another position in the company. How would most respond?
\nThey\u2019d try to avoid it.
\nThey\u2019d complain.
\nThey\u2019d make excuses why they shouldn\u2019t have to do it.
\nThey\u2019d doubt their abilities.
\nThey\u2019d be afraid.
\nture? How did that child turn into an adult moaning and groaning about learning something new? As adults, most of us become a lot more concerned\tSuccess is going from failure to failure without loss of enthusiasm.
\n\u2014 Winston Churchill
\nWhat happened to that six-year-old brimming with vitality and a sense of adven- about the opinions of others, often hesitating because people may laugh at us or criticize us.
\nAt the age of six, we knew we had to fall off the bike and get back on to learn a new skill. Falling off the bike wasn\u2019t a \u201cbad\u201d thing. But as we got older, we started to perceive falling off as a bad thing \u2014 rather than an essential part of the process of achieving our goal.
\nAs I pointed out in Lesson 10, it can be uncomfortable to try something new, perhaps even scary. But if you take your eyes off the goal and instead focus your attention on how others may be viewing you, you\u2019re doing yourself a grave disservice. To develop a new skill or reach a meaningful target, you must be committed to doing what it takes to get there, even if it means putting up with negative feedback or falling on your face now and then.
\nSuccessful people have learned to \u201cfail\u201d their way to success. While they may not particularly enjoy their \u201cfailures,\u201d they recognize them as a necessary part of the road to victory. After all, becoming proficient at any skill requires time, effort and discipline… and the willingness to persevere through whatever difficulties may arise.
\nThese Failures Make Millions of Dollars
\nTake the example of a professional baseball player. As it is today, the player who gets just three hits in 10 attempts is at the top of his profession, making several million dollars a year. That\u2019s a 70 percent failure rate! And the fans will no doubt taunt him when he strikes out.
\nAnd speaking of baseball, what a thrill it was to watch Mark McGwire of the St. Louis Cardinals as he hit 70 home runs during the 1998 season. He\u2019s such an exciting player. But did you know that Mark McGwire struck out 155 times in 1998? And for his career, The greatest mistake a McGwire has hit 457 home runs; person can make is to yet, he has struck out 1,259 times.
\nbe afraid of making That\u2019s almost three times as many strikeouts as home runs!
\none.\tWhen I ask you to name the
\n\u2014 Elbert Hubbard best basketball player of all time, who comes to mind? I\u2019m guess-
\ning that many of you immediately thought of Michael Jordan. He gets my vote. Let me share with you this statistic \u2014 Michael Jordan has a career shooting percentage of 50 percent. In other words, half of the shots he took in his career were \u201cfailures.\u201d
\nOf course, this principle isn\u2019t limited to sports. We also know that show business stars and media personalities are no strangers to failure. Many actors invest 10 or 15 years, enduring hundreds of rejections before landing a part that launches their careers. And then, even after achieving some degree of success, they still experience occasional box office flops.
\nOn the night he graduated from college, Jerry Seinfeld did his first comedy gig. It was at a comedy club in New York City. He bombed. When asked to describe that evening, Seinfeld said, \u201cIt was pretty horrible. It was a terrible sinking feeling.\u201d But he didn\u2019t quit. He kept performing his stand-up routine at night. He had five very tough years. And then he was invited to appear on The Tonight Show with Johnny Carson in 1981. He was a big hit… and on his way to an incredibly successful career.
\nIn a nutshell, all these individuals realize that success, to a large extent, is a matter of persistence. That is, if you keep trying, keep developing yourself and keep making adjustments along the way, you\u2019re going to succeed. You simply need to get enough at-bats… go on enough auditions… visit enough potential clients.
\nUndaunted By Failure
\nI want to tell you about two guys who wrote a book containing a collection of inspirational stories. They figured it would take about three months to make a deal with a publisher.
\nThe first publisher they approached said \u201cNO.\u201d
\nThe second publisher said \u201cNO.\u201d
\nThe third publisher said \u201cNO.\u201d
\nThe next 30 publishers said \u201cNO.\u201d
\nHaving racked up 33 rejections over a period of three years, what do you think they did? They submitted their book to another publisher.
\nThe 34th publisher said \u201cYES.\u201d
\nAnd that one \u201cYES\u201d \u2014 after 33 \u201cfailures\u201d \u2014 is what launched the spectacular success of Chicken Soup For The Soul, written and compiled by Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen. If you\u2019ve been in a bookstore in the last five years, I\u2019ll bet you\u2019ve seen that book. There\u2019s a good chance that you\u2019ve read one of the books in the Chicken Soup series.
\nThe Chicken Soup For The Soul series has sold over 30 million copies! All because Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen had the determination to fail over and over… and to keep going until they succeeded.
\nWhat sustained Jack Canfield and Mark Victor Hansen through 33 failures? Their attitudes! If these guys had negative attitudes, they would have given up after the first or second rejection, missing out on a pot of gold. But their attitudes remained positive and upbeat \u2014 failure… after failure… after failure.
\nWhat\u2019s a good attitude worth? In their case, about 10 million bucks apiece… and still counting!
\nNo Overnight Success
\nSuccess seems to be largely a matter of hanging on after others have let go.\tleft the radio industry and spent five miserable years in a sales job for which he wasn\u2019t suited. In 1983, he returned to radio and the rest, as we know, is history.
\nAnother example of someone who endured years of failure is the phenomenally successful radio host Rush Limbaugh. For years, Rush Limbaugh worked at low-paying jobs and was ridiculed before he made a successful breakthrough. After floundering in radio for 12 years, he was urged to get out of the business. In 1979, he \u2014 William Feather So, when you get right down
\nto it, there is no such thing as \u201cfailure\u201d \u2014 there are only results,
\nsome more successful than others. Failure doesn\u2019t mean you\u2019ve reached the end of the line and that success isn\u2019t possible. The only time success is impossible is when you quit. Quitting is final. But continued attempts, with commitment and diligence, can be turned into success.
\nNever Give Up
\nIn the early 1990s, the owner of a midwestern company called our office to inquire about my speaking programs, as well as our products and publications. I spoke with him on the phone and promptly sent out some information. When we called to follow up, he\u2019d say that he was \u201cthinking about it and hadn\u2019t made a decision yet.\u201d
\nAt the beginning, we called every week. No sale. Then, we called once a month. No sale. For a period of a few years, we kept calling this gentleman. We kept sending him quarterly newsletters and flyers. And all we had to show for it was one failure after another.
\nBut in the spring of 1998, a representative of his company called our office, and I was hired to present a motivational program at one of their sales meetings. When I met the owner in person, he told me, \u201cI was impressed with your persistence. Someone from your office kept calling me for years… and didn\u2019t give up.\u201d
\nSure, we put up with years of failure. But it was all worth it when we made that sale!
\nKey Questions
\nIf you aren\u2019t getting the results you want or have been discouraged by failures, ask yourself these questions:
\n1.\tDo I have an unrealistic timetable? Maybe you expect to \u201cskip steps\u201d and succeed on a grand scale immediately. Success is usually achieved by climbing one step at a time. And you don\u2019t always know how long it will take to advance to the next level. So, be patient with yourself \u2014 and resist the temptation to compare your progress with that of anyone else! You\u2019ll advance faster than some, slower than others. Maintain a great attitude… take action… make adjustments… and the results will come.
\n2.\tAm I truly committed? Do you have a burning desire to achieve your goal? It\u2019s essential that you be willing to do whatever it takes and that you banish any thought of giving up before you accomplish your objective. Of course, it\u2019s much easier to be committed when you love what you\u2019re doing. Therefore, go after those goals you\u2019re passionate about, and harbor no thought of quitting.
\n3.\tDo I have too many discouraging influences?
\nUnsuccessful results can be frustrating. That\u2019s why
\nwe need to surround ourselves with people who support and believe in us. If you hang around with negative people who are highly critical or who are doing very little in their own lives, your energy and enthusiasm will be drained. Therefore, develop a network of individuals to encourage and coach you toward success.
\n4.\tAm I preparing to succeed? Success in any endeavor requires thorough preparation. Are you taking steps to learn everything you can
\nWould you like me to give you a formula for success? Its quite simple. Double your rate of failure.
\n\u2014 Thomas J. Watson\tabout accomplishing your goal? This means reading books, listening to tapes, taking courses and networking with highly successful people in your field. It might mean finding a mentor or getting a coach to work with
\nyou. Successful individuals are always sharpening their skills. Those getting unsuccessful outcomes often do the same things over and over without making necessary adjustments. So, be \u201ccoachable.\u201d Accept the fact that you don\u2019t already know it all and find resources to keep you on track and moving forward.
\n5.\tAm I truly willing to fail? Face it, failure is inevitable. You will encounter defeat prior to succeeding. In our hearts, we know our most valuable lessons come from our failures. Failure is essential for growth. Look failure squarely in the face and see it as a natural part of the success process. Then, failure will lose its power over you. The truth is, when you\u2019re not afraid to fail, you\u2019re well on the way to success. Welcome failure as an unavoidable yet vital component in the quest to achieve your goals.
\nTurning Failure Into Success
\nYour failures are learning experiences that point out the adjustments you must make. Never try to hide from failure, for that approach guarantees that you\u2019ll take virtually no risks… and achieve very little. As Beverly Sills once remarked, \u201cYou may be disappointed if you fail, but you are doomed if you don\u2019t try.\u201d
\nNo, you won\u2019t close every sale. And you won\u2019t make money on every investment. Life is a series of wins and losses, even for the most successful. The winners in life know that you crawl before you walk and you walk before you run. And with each new goal comes a new set of failures. It\u2019s up to you whether you treat these disappointments as temporary setbacks and challenges to overcome, or as insurmountable obstacles.
\nIf you make it your business to learn from every defeat and stay focused on the end result you wish to attain, failure will eventually lead you to success!<\/p>\n
LESSON 12
\nNetworking That Gets Results
\nYou can get everything in life you want if you\u2019ll just help enough other people get what they want.
\n\u2014Zig Ziglar
\nWhen I met freelance copywriter Stu Kamen in the fall of 1990, it set off an incredible chain reaction that would forever impact my business. Let me share with you what happened.
\nIn 1992, Stu was a contributing writer with Think & Grow Rich newsletter. At Stu\u2019s suggestion, that newsletter ran a front page story about me \u2014 and how I went from being a lawyer to a motivational speaker. At the same time, I entered into an agreement with that newsletter where they would sell my \u201cAttitude is Everything\u201d merchandise through their publication. Thousands of items were sold.
\nThink & Grow Rich newsletter also began to run some of my own articles in their publication. As a result, I got calls from their readers and was hired for several speaking engagements.
\nI also got a letter from one of their subscribers named Jim Donovan, who lived in New York at that time. We became good friends. Jim referred me to INTI Publishing & Resource Books, the publisher of the book you\u2019re now holding in your hand. By the
\nIf you re positive and enthusiastic, people will want to spend time with you.
\n\u2014 Jeff Keller\tway, Jim went on to write two great self-help books of his own \u2014 Handbook To AHappier Life and This Is Your Life, Not A Dress Rehearsal.
\nAnd all of these great things
\nhappened because I tapped into Stu Kamen\u2019s network… and then
\ntheThink & Grow Rich newsletter\u2019s network… and then Jim Donovan\u2019s network. The power of networking is nothing short of awesome!
\nIf given the choice, wouldn\u2019t you like to succeed sooner rather than later? Well, networking is a way to leverage your own efforts and accelerate the pace at which you get results. After all, the more solid relationships you build, the greater your opportunities for success.
\nThe Benefits Of Networking
\nWhile your success certainly starts with you, it grows to higher levels as a result of your associations and relationships with people. Simply put, you can\u2019t succeed on a grand scale all by yourself.
\nThat\u2019s why networking is so important. For the purposes of this lesson, let\u2019s define networking as the development of relationships with people for mutual benefit.
\nIn the business arena, networking has the following benefits:
\n\u2022\tgenerates new clients or business leads
\n\u2022\tincreases employment opportunities
\n\u2022\thelps in finding the right people to fill critical positions
\n\u2022\tprovides valuable information and resources
\n\u2022\tassists in solving problems
\nIn the personal realm, here\u2019s what networking can do for you:
\n\u2022\tenhance your social relationships by introducing you to new friends
\n\u2022\thelp you to become acquainted with people of varying ethnic, cultural and philosophical backgrounds
\n\u2022\tprovide valuable information and resources
\n\u2022\tcontribute to your spiritual growth
\nNow that we know what networking can do, the question is: What can we do to enhance the effectiveness of our network? Let me pass along 16 techniques that I\u2019ve found productive. To simplify matters, I\u2019ve organized them into four separate, but related, categories: 1) attitude and action; 2) referrals; 3) communication; and 4) follow-up.
\nATTITUDE AND ACTION
\n1.\tProject a winning attitude. When it comes to networking, attitude is everything! If you\u2019re positive and enthusiastic, people will want to spend time with you. They\u2019ll want to help you. If you\u2019re gloomy and negative, people will avoid you, and they\u2019ll hesitate to refer you to their friends and colleagues.
\n2.\tParticipate actively in groups and organizations. Effective networking and relationship-building takes more than paying dues, putting your name in a directory and showing up for meetings. You must demonstrate that you\u2019ll take the time and make the effort to contribute to the group.
\nWhat kinds of things can you do? For starters, you can volunteer for committees or serve as an officer or member of the board of directors. The other members will respect you when they see you roll up your sleeves and do some work. They\u2019ll also learn about your people skills, your character, your values and last, but not least, your attitude!
\nLet\u2019s get back to Stu Kamen for a moment. He
\nwanted to build contacts within advertising agencies, so he joined the Long Island Advertising Club in 1994. Stu immediately began to attend the group\u2019s meetings. When they asked for volunteers for various projects, Stu raised his hand. He got actively involved!
\nWithin six months after joining, somebody approached him and said, \u201cWe hear good things about you. You\u2019re a hard worker and very energetic. Would you like to join our board of directors?\u201d As you might guess, Stu gladly accepted. And within a few months, he began to see a significant increase in his business. In early 1999, Stu told me that well over 50 percent of his current business can be traced to people he met through the Long Island Advertising Club \u2014 proving that people can get big results in a short time by networking effectively.
\n3. SERVE OTHERS in your network. Serving others is crucial to building and benefiting from your network! You should always be thinking, \u201cHow can I serve others?\u201d instead of \u201cWhat\u2019s in it for me?\u201d If you come across as desperate or as a \u201ctaker\u201d rather than a \u201cgiver,\u201d you won\u2019t find people willing to
\nGetters don’t get — givers get.
\n\u2014 Eugene Benge\thelp you. Going the extra mile for others is the best way to get the flow of good things coming
\nback to you.
\nHow can you serve others in
\nyour network? Start by referring business leads or potential customers. In addition, whenever you see an article or other information that might be of interest to someone in your network, forward the material to that person.
\nWhen I think of effective networkers, the first name that comes to mind is Mark LeBlanc. Mark gives presentations to business owners who want to grow their business and to salespeople who want to sell more of their products and services. I\u2019ve referred many people to Mark. Why? He\u2019s a talented, service-oriented person who has gone out of his way to encourage me… and to help me build my business.
\nMark has put me in touch with people in his own network who are in a position to help me. He distributes my materials at his presentations. Mark is one of those people who just keeps giving… and giving… and giving. That\u2019s why people want to help Mark \u2014 and that\u2019s one reason why his own business is growing!
\nAs the Bible says, \u201cGive and it shall be given unto you.\u201d That\u2019s the truth!
\nREFERRALS
\n4.\tIf you refer someone, make sure that the person mentions yourname as the source of the referral. Be explicit. Let\u2019s assume you\u2019re about to refer John Smith to your graphic designer, Jane Jones. You might say to John, \u201cGive Jane a call, and please tell her that I referred you.\u201d In some instances, you may even call Jane and let her know that John Smith will be contacting her.
\nThen, the next time you see or speak to Jane, remember to ask if John called and how it turned out. You want to reinforce in Jane\u2019s mind that you\u2019re looking out for her and helping her to grow her business.
\n5.\tBe selective. Don\u2019t refer every person you meet. Respect the time of those in your network. Referring \u201cunqualified\u201d leads will reflect poorly on you. Ask yourself whether or not a particular referral is really going to be of value to your network partner. Keep in mind that the key is the quality, not quantity, of the leads you supply.
\nCOMMUNICATION
\n6.\tBe a good listener. Have you ever been speaking to someone who goes on and on about himself and his business \u2014 and never takes a moment to ask about you? We\u2019ve all run into the \u201cMe, Me, Me\u201d types \u2014 and they\u2019re the last people you want to help.
\nSo, in your conversations, focus on drawing other people out. Let them talk about their careers and interests. In return, you\u2019ll be perceived as caring, concerned and intelligent. You\u2019ll eventually get your turn to talk about yourself. Sure, this is Dale Carnegie 101… but it works!
\n7.\tCall people from time to time just because you care. How do you feel when someone calls you on the phone and says, \u201cHey, I was just thinking about you and was wondering how you\u2019re doing?\u201d I\u2019ll bet you feel like a million bucks! If that\u2019s the case, why don\u2019t we make these calls more often?
\nEvery now and then, make it a point to call people in your network simply to ask how they\u2019re doing and to offer your support and encouragement. That\u2019s right. Call just because you care \u2014 and because that\u2019s the way you\u2019d like to be treated.
\nEvery December, I pick up the phone and
\ncall certain clients I haven\u2019t spoken with for a long time.<\/p>\n
You can succeed best and quickest by helping others to succeed.
\n\u2014 Napoleon Hill\tMany of these people haven\u2019t ordered anything from my company in years. My call is upbeat and my only agenda is to be friendly. I don\u2019t try to sell them anything. I appreciate the business they\u2019ve given me in the<\/p>\n
past, and I just want to hear
\nhow they\u2019re doing, personally and professionally.
\nIf business comes from these calls, that\u2019s
\ngreat.
\nIf business doesn\u2019t come from these calls,
\nthat\u2019s great.
\nYear after year, I do get business as a result
\nof making these calls. Someone will say, \u201cI need to order more of those Attitude is Everything lapel pins\u201d or \u201cOur company is having a sales meeting in six months, and they may want you to do a presentation.\u201d
\nPlease understand that this isn\u2019t manipula-
\ntion or a sales tactic on my part. I\u2019m not expecting these people to give me business. I really care about how they\u2019re doing. Business is simply a by-product of re-connecting with them.
\n8.\tTake advantage of everyday opportunities to meet people. You can make excellent contacts just about anywhere \u2014 at the health club or on line at the supermarket. You never know from what seed your next valuable relationship will sprout.
\nWhen I go to the gym on the weekends, I always wear an \u201cAttitude is Everything\u201d shirt. It\u2019s a great icebreaker and people will come up to me to talk about attitude. It gives me an opportunity to learn about them \u2014 and to tell them about my company.
\n9.\tTreat every person as important \u2014 not just the \u201cinfluential\u201d ones. Don\u2019t be a snob. The person you meet (whether or not they\u2019re the boss) may have a friend or relative who can benefit from your product or service. So, when speaking to someone at a meeting or party, give that person your undivided attention.
\nAnd please promise me that you won\u2019t be one of those who gazes around looking for \u201cmore important people\u201d to talk to. That really bugs me. You\u2019re talking with someone and then he notices someone out of the corner of his eye \u2014 someone he deems more important than you! So he stops listening to you… and abruptly breaks away to start a conversation with that other person. Don\u2019t do that! Treat every person you encounter with dignity and respect.
\n10.\tAt meetings and seminars, make it a point to meet differentpeople. Don\u2019t sit with the same group at every gathering. While it\u2019s great to talk with friends for part of the meeting, you\u2019ll reap greater benefits if you make the extra effort to meet new faces.
\nIn 1994, I was in Washington, D.C., to attend the annual convention of the National Speakers Association. At lunch, instead of sitting with some friends, I sat down at a table where I didn\u2019t know anyone. Sitting at that table was a woman named Joan Burge \u2014 and we struck up a conversation. Her company, Office Dynamics, conducts excellent training programs for administrative office professionals.
\nIt turned out that Joan is also a big believer that attitude is everything! And, for the last five years, she has ordered my \u201cAttitude is Everything\u201d lapel pins and distributed them to some of the participants in her training programs. In addition, Joan often displays my literature at her programs, which has generated thousands of dollars in business for me. Most importantly, Joan has become a wonderful friend.
\nI\u2019m sure glad I didn\u2019t sit with my friends that day, as I would have missed out on a tremendous opportunity!
\n11.\tBe willing to go beyond your comfort zone. For instance, if you have the urge to introduce yourself to someone, DO IT! You might hesitate, thinking that the person is too important or too busy to speak with you. Even if you\u2019re nervous, force yourself to move forward and make contact. You\u2019ll get more comfortable as time goes on.
\n12.\tAsk for what you want. By helping others, you\u2019ve now earned the right to request assistance yourself. Don\u2019t be shy. As long as you\u2019ve done your best to serve those in your network, they\u2019ll be more than willing to return the favor.
\nFOLLOW-UP
\n13.\tSend a prompt note after meeting someone for the first time. Let\u2019s say you attend a dinner and make a new contact. Send a short note as soon as possible explaining how much you enjoyed meeting and talking with him or her. Enclose some of your own materials and perhaps include information that might be of interest to this person (such as the name of a trade magazine and a subscription card). Ask if there\u2019s anything you can do to assist this individual.
\nBe sure to send the note within 48 hours after your initial meeting so that it\u2019s received while you\u2019re still fresh in your contact\u2019s mind.
\n14.\tAcknowledge powerful presentations or articles. If you hear an interesting presenta-
\ntion or read a great article, Treat every person you send a note to the speaker or encounter with dignity writer and tell him or her how and respect.
\nmuch you enjoyed and learned from their message. \u2014 Jeff Keller
\nOne person in a hundred will take the time to do this \u2014 be the one who does!
\nI\u2019m not saying that speakers and writers are special people who deserve to be worshipped. The point is, speakers and writers often have developed a huge network of people covering a variety of industries \u2014 a network you can tap into!
\n15.\tWhen you receive a referral or helpful written materials,ALWAYS send a thank you note or call to express your appreciation. Follow this suggestion only if you want to receive more referrals and more useful information. If you don\u2019t acknowledge that person sufficiently, he or she will be much less likely to assist you in the future.
\n16.\tSend congratulatory cards and letters. If someone in your network gets a promotion, award or celebrates some other occasion (for example, a marriage or birth of a child) write a short note of congratulations. Everyone loves to be recognized, yet very few people take the time to do this. Being thoughtful in this manner can only make you stand out. It\u2019s also appropriate to send a card or memorial gift when a family member dies.
\nBuilding Your Network
\nThe networking suggestions offered above are merely the tip of the iceberg. You should be able to come up with several new ideas of your own. How? By going to your library or bookstore and seeking out the many excellent books on networking… and by noticing what other people are doing and adapting their ideas in a way that suits you.
\nRemember that networks are built over time and that significant results usually don\u2019t show up immediately. So be patient! Build a solid foundation of relationships and continue to expand and strengthen them. You\u2019ll have to put in a lot before you begin reaping the big rewards.
\nOne final point: Great networking skills are not a substitute for being excellent in your field. You might be a terrific PR person, but if you aren\u2019t talented at what you do \u2014 and constantly learning and improving \u2014 your efforts will yield disappointing results.
\nNow, go ahead! Select a few of these networking techniques and implement them right away. Get to work serving and improving your network. Then you will truly have an army of troops working to help you succeed!<\/p>\n
CONCLUSION
\nChange Your Attitude and You Change Your Life
\nTo change your circumstances, first start thinking differently.
\n\u2014Norman Vincent Peale N ovember 16, 1998. Manila, Philippines.
\nI just finished giving a presentation to people from more than 20 countries. What an incredible privilege! Dozens of people in the audience came up to introduce themselves and to thank me for coming to Manila to share these lifechanging principles with them.
\nWhen everybody had left the room, I was about to gather up all my things. But for some reason, I paused for a moment. I looked around this empty auditorium… 8,000 miles from my home. And I had to pinch myself… just to make sure I wasn\u2019t dreaming.
\nI flashed back to 1985, when I sat in my den, negative and depressed. I hated my job as a lawyer and hadn\u2019t the slightest idea how I\u2019d turn things around. Now, here I was in the fall of 1998 in the Philippines, giving a motivational seminar to people from all over the world! \u201cHow did this happen?\u201d I thought to myself.
\nThe answer came to me loud and clear. I changed my attitude.
\nYou see, when you change your attitude, sparks fly in the universe. You\u2019re energized. You begin to see new possibilities. You move into action. You achieve extraordinary results. That\u2019s why I say when you change your attitude, you change your life!
\nNow I\u2019d be kidding you if I told you the last 14 years were just a string of successes. Far from it. I\u2019ve had my share of defeats and setbacks along the way. But the success principles I\u2019ve discussed in this book are what have given me the courage, the guidance and the strength to keep moving forward.
\nTake Control Of Your Life
\nI applaud you for taking the time to read this book. It shows that you\u2019re truly interested in developing your \tincredible potential. Yet,
\nAct as if it were impossible to fail.
\n\u2014Dorothea Brande\treading this book is only the first step to living the life you want to live. When you focus
\non these ideas \u2014 and take action to implement them \u2014 you\u2019re on the way to creating
\nsome exciting breakthroughs in your life.
\nYou may have seen statistics that only about five percent of the population reaches a high level of success. Why is that? After 14 years of research, I\u2019m convinced it comes down to this:
\nIt\u2019s the rare individual who applies the success principles discussed in this book on a daily basis.
\nIt\u2019s the rare individual who consistently maintains a positive attitude, knowing that his thoughts will become his reality.
\nATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING \t123
\nIt\u2019s the rare individual who watches the words he uses, knowing that he\u2019s programming his mind for success, mediocrity or failure.
\nIt\u2019s the rare individual who has the guts to confront her fears, because that\u2019s where her potential will be developed \u2014 by doing things she\u2019s afraid to do.
\nIt\u2019s the rare individual who looks for the silver lining in every dark cloud.
\nAnd it\u2019s the rare individual who makes a commitment, follows through with a positive attitude… and has the persistence to get the job done.
\nI challenge you to be one of those rare individuals.
\nYou have the potential to become more than you ever dreamed. You have greatness within you… and your attitude is the key to unlocking that potential. Changing my attitude changed my life. And if a better attitude can work miracles in my life, it can work miracles in yours!
\nI\u2019d like to share with you these words from Dr. Charles Swindoll, who captured the essence of attitude \u2014 and how it dominates the direction of our lives:
\n\u201cThe longer I live, the more I realize the impact of attitude on life. Attitude, to me, is more important than facts. It is more important than the past, than education, than money, than circumstances, than failures, than successes, than what other people think or say or do. It is more important than appearance, giftedness or skill. It will make or break a company… a church… a home.
\n\u201cThe remarkable thing is we have a choice every day regarding the attitude we will embrace for that day. We cannot change our past… we cannot change the fact that people will act in a certain way. We cannot change the inevitable. The only thing we can do is play on the one string we have, and that is our attitude.
\n\u201cI am convinced that life is 10 percent what happens to me and 90 percent how I react to it. And so it is with you… we are in charge of our Attitudes.\u201d
\nPretty powerful words, aren\u2019t they? Do what Charles Swindoll suggests and \u201cplay on the one string you have\u201d \u2014 your ATTITUDE.
\nNow is the time to take control of your attitude. Now is the time to start creating miracles in your own life.
\nGo ahead \u2014 believe in yourself. Have the courage and persistence to follow your dreams. And above all, never, never forget that… Attitude is Everything!
\nMay God bless you on your journey.<\/p>\n
About Jeff Keller<\/p>\n
Jeff Keller, President of Attitude is Everything, Inc., works with organizations that want to develop achievers and with people who want to reach their full potential. Jeff is a speaker, seminar leader and writer in the area of motivation and human potential. For more than 14 years, he has delivered his uplifting presentations to businesses, organizations, groups and educational institutions.<\/p>\n
Jeff communicates with sincerity, clarity and impact in a way that touches the minds and hearts of those in the audience. Each presentation or seminar is specifically designed to meet the needs of the business or organization being served.<\/p>\n
He is the author of two highly acclaimed publications — Attitude is Everything Newsletter and the FREE monthly e-mail newsletter, \u201cHere\u2019s To Your Success.\u201d<\/p>\n
Jeff is a member of the National Speakers Association and lives in New York.<\/p>\n
For more information on Jeff Keller\u2019s motivational presentations, products and publications, please visit his web site at http:\/\/www.attitudeiseverything.com\/<\/p>\n
For an instant download of Jeff\u2019s best-selling audio program, Change Your Thinking, Change Your Life go to: http:\/\/www.mp3motivators.com\/. See the special electronic coupon below to save $5.00 as a preferred Attitude is Everything reader.<\/p>\n
Special Electronic Coupon Saves $5.00 on Instant Download<\/p>\n
To collect discount enter this code in the referral box: AIE<\/p>\n","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"
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